Broken

Chapter V

CHERISE'S POV

As I push open my bedroom door and jump into the bed I realise I am still wearing Jay-P's hoodie. I change into some pajama shorts and climb under the covers. I snuggle down into the hoodie and imagine Jay-P holding onto me.

I don't know how he does it but anytime I am around him I feel completely at ease. Like nothing could hurt me. Like nothing can penetrate the bubble of protection that he has put around me. I feel safe for the first time in a long time when I am around him. Safe from the judging looks of other people. Safe from the dark thoughts that run through my head. Safe from the nightmares.

They have been occurring more lately since I stopped taking my sleeping tablets. I don't tell my parents but the nights that I don't use the pills I never sleep. I wake up in a cold sweat and usually end up throwing up in my en-suite. I just sit there and let the pain and sorrow engulf me. I always feel bad because I don't cry for Asher, I cry for myself. Out of self-pity and isn't far to him.

I am grateful to Jay for listening to me. It helps a lot. He is the only other person apart from my family and Kymberli who know about what happened.

Kymberli and I grew up together, so when I transferred school for six form a year after it happened. I was 15 when Asher died. Dad thought it would be best to leave the school that we had both attended. So I changed schools for six form.

Since most people were moving from other schools to come to Draftwood Secondary School no questions where asked. Kymberli came with me and I met Zain and Jazzmyne along the way. Even they didn't know about Asher. As far as they knew I only had one brother and that was Darion.

I roll over on my bed and get onto the floor . Kneeling on the floor I push one hand under the bed and rummage around for the box. My comes in contact with what I am looking for and I pull out the old shoe box.

I open it and set the lid to my side slowly. I haven't looked in this box in at least a year. It just brings back the memories and the relationship I ruined with my brother.

I pull out the folded up letter and read it again. I scrutinize Asher's handwriting and smile sadly at the way he joined his o's and r's. They were the only letters in the whole alphabet that he wrote joined up. I put the letter on the lid of the box and pick up some pictures he had taken of us together.

He once told me that I was the only person in the whole house that he was himself completely around. He trusted me and hadn't cared enough to check on him constantly. A tear drops down onto the photo graph and I gently brush it off. These are the last things I have of Asher and I will preserve them for as long as I can.

. . .

I scream running into my bedroom. I run to the toilet just in time to empty out the contents of stomach. Standing up and walking shakily to the sink I look and the mirror and watch in horror as my face morphs into Asher's.

His dark eyes look deep into mine and I feel the pain as he looks at me. Hurt and pain etched all over his face. Emotions I was too blind to notice. His face contorts and I watch as his eyes roll back into his head and become pure white. His mouths opens and I lean closer to the mirror to hear what he is saying.

"You could have saved me," his face says. I watch in fear and confusion as he continues, "I died because of you, remember that."

I wake up panting. Cold sweat sticking my hair to the back of my neck and my face. I walk into my bathroom, avoiding looking in the mirror and splash cold water on my face.

As I travel down the stairs I know where I have to go. Leaving a note on the kitchen counter I walk to the backdoor and shove my feet in my slides. Since I fell asleep I still have my socks on. I open the back door and lock it from the outside pocketing the key. I pull up the hood of Jay-P's hoodie and plunge my hands into the pocket in front of me.