The Ruels of My Heart

chapter four - ruel's perspective

I can tell that Leo's not impressed by me. Why not? Usually every girl is. I can't help thinking maybe she can see through my act? My hopeless act of pretending I'm fine when I'm not. But then I think no, nobody can see through it. Nobody notices how unhappy I am.
"Can I ask you a question?" She says, as if that isn't the whole purpose of this.
"Yeah," I say.
"What's it like?"
"What's what like?"
"Being famous, being powerful."
"It's okay." I reply. I don't sound convincing at all.
An emotion flashes through her eyes. But it's gone so quickly I don't know which emotion it was. Her dark eyes are so beautiful, mysterious.
"There's a lot of pressure. At first it's fun. But then you just get... over it." I am stunned by my own words. What is happening? Why am I saying these things? I've never said these things out loud before. "You probably think it's stupid- I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. Can we stop talking about this?"
"I don't think it's stupid." Leo replies, completely ignoring my question. "I think you're a jerk, sure. I can tell you have grown to know nothing else apart from everyone loving you. You're not the only celebrity. But I think you're struggling. Not just from the pressure, from something else maybe. I don't know."
How the heck is this happening? I have only just met this girl and she understands me better then anyone else. I don't want her to. This is crazy. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine. I don't know what on earth you're talking about."
A split second later, a crew member interrupts. "Sorry but that's all we have time for today. Smile, it's time for the picture." The crew member says.
Leo roles her eyes. But she smiles slightly, and it is the first time I've seen her smile. Her face fits together perfectly. She has dimples, and her eyes are sparking. She is better at fake smiling then I am. Before I know it the camera flashes. Oops. I was frowning. I always frown when I'm deep in thought. Oh well I don't think Leo would care. She'll probably just throw the picture in the bin as soon as she gets out of here. Usually I have forgotten the fan's name by the end of the meet and greet.
"Would you like a picture on your phone?" The crew member asks, handing her the instant print out image.
"No," Leo replies. Then she gets up and leaves without saying another word.
"Bye," I call out, but I know she won't reply. I turn to the crew member and say, "I'm gonna crash in my hotel. Tell them I am walking there." The crew member opens their mouth object because I'm not allowed to go out without security, but they don't say anything.

As I lie in bed, I can't stop thinking about Leo. The one time I think I might like someone, they don't like me back. I'll probably never see her again. But I can't get to sleep. I just stare up at the ceiling. Overthinking everything, as I always do. What happened to the happy, funny, likeable Ruel that felt okay? I want him back. It's at that moment I decide to change. Change back to the old me that everyone loves. Then I won't have to pretend. Then maybe Leo will like me. I'm not going to quit touring.