BFR Critiques Entry (B.C.E)

Ability

Title: Ability
Author: Eddy622
Reviewed by: FanminsClub

Grammatical construction: 09/10

It's pretty good, however sometimes sentences are a bit awkward, if that makes sense. I've found a couple of ones hard to understand, not necessarily because of their length, but because of how they were formulated, constructed basically. It's not much, just something to give your book a better flow.

Grammatical errors: 06/10

Be careful with conjugation! You've forgotten the 's' added at the end of many verbs for the third person singular multiple times throughout your book. For example: "Mum chuckle". Correctly, it's "Mum chuckles". Also, be careful with the tenses! You often switch from present tense to past tense, wich is incorrect and sounds strange; some people are fine with it, but in my opinion, it just kind of breaks any good thought about the writing of any story. It is a major problem you should work on, really.

Easily understood: 10/10

The plot is, the details are a bit harder to seize but that's only due to the grammatical errors here and there.

Use of Vocabulary: 07/10

Not bad, I'd say good even. Although some words could be replaced with synonyms to prevent repetition (like 'Mum', found that word a LOT). Also, Ability is lacking more profound vocabulary, engaging and exciting words, ones that will give the story a heart, ones that will make it alive and give a reason for the reader to stay — the plot can be great, the grammar perfect, character development ideal, but without a good vocabulary, a book is nothing.

Use of punctuation marks: 07/10

Sometimes they're forgotten, sometimes they're not in the right place, sometimes they're not adapted to the sentence at all. Instead of a question mark, there will be a period, and instead of a period, there will be nothing. However, in the last chapters, you have progressed a lot concerning this, and that's the reason I gave you a 7/10 and not a 5. I recommend re-reading every thing you're about to post; I do that, and trust me, it's very efficient.

Portrait of the story in the title of book: 9/10

I think the book could have a more appropriate title as although Kenzie does have an ability, it's not the main subject of the story. But it's not completely out of subject either, so 9 points for this anyway.

Character development: 8/10

Not many characters are involved, and apart from Kenzie and Gray, they don't really go through any development, but that's understandable. Now, let's talk about Gray Norman. He used to be a playboy, a heartless young guy who had slaves and treated them very poorly. However, after his soul was detached from his body, he met Kenzie and seemed to have changed. He not only became kinder and more considerate of other people, he also found his true love. As for Kenzie, she doesn't go through much transformation, except for the fact that she learns how to face her fears. She goes to the cemetery where horrible memories are buried (no puns intended), and also tries attending a fancy party although she risked getting kicked out.

Lessons gained: 8/10

Everything is possible with love. That's the lesson I got from the book. Although I feel like it's a bit hard to find out, especially since not much importance was given to feelings, but I found it nonetheless. Kenzie helps and goes through seemingly hard 'trials' with Gray to find his body. And all of that because she loves him.

Conclusion:

The idea of the book is good, but it was rather poorly written. As I said earlier, feelings need to appear more, as your characters seem rather deprived of emotion. Work on grammar, punctuation marks and spelling. More description would be good progress. Apart from that, I enjoyed reading it and Ability can easily become a great book if your writing improves.

Score: 64/80

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