The Worst Story Ever (Part Two)

Chapter Five

The Author's note is in bold NOT ITALICS

Sleep doesn't come easy. I spend the majority of the night tossing and turning. Eventually I give up and just lay awake, contemplating my current situation. My familiar is coming tomorrow. I can't help but smile. A wolf, Nadime. It's unbelievable.

So unbelievable, in fact, that no one in their right mind would ever believe it.

Then there's Buddy and his new girlfriend. Hopefully my slightly offensive assumptions of my long time friend were correct, and Buddy will have given up his pity for Alise. But then, there's the side of me that noticed the way that Buddy acted around her, and the fact that he didn't stick up for his closest friend when she made fun of us.

All she did was sit in her precious chair and be disgusted by Marcus's proposal to show her a dissected squirrel.

Although, my excitement about getting my familiar outweighed my dislike for Buddy's new friend. Maybe she was trying to be nice and that is just her personality, who knows.

Okay she spoke to you twice

I hear shuffling from downstairs. It must be my parents leaving for their 'super important' business trip. Sighing, I slip out of bed and wait to hear the front door close. The house is once again overpowered by resilient youth.

What the hell is that supposed to mean fuck outta here with that shit

I tiptoe down stairs, careful not to wake up Ophelia. She's a big sissy but she'll kill anyone who wakes her up before nine. I pour myself a bowl of cereal and eat it thoughtfully.

Wow that was so interesting can you please describe your cereal eating some more?

The phone in my parents room suddenly rings. Who would be calling? Probably some dumb telemarketer who doesn't know how to tell time. I grin to myself, walking to the room, racking my brain to come up with a ridiculous sob story to tell the poor guy on the other end of the line.
"Who is it?" I say in a fake nasally voice.
"Um, hello?" Buddy says. Oh. That makes a little more sense now.

But what I wouldn't give to have actually read  that scene.

"Yeah, hey, why...um. Hi." I mumble.
"Hey...So, you know how you're coming over later?" He asks.

So he's just calling at six in the morning to talk about plans he didn't really even make?

"Yah."

Why couldn't I just have typed "yes"?

"Well, Do you remember that girl who I walked home yesterday? With red hair?" Buddy describes her to me. Please say you ditched her, please say you ditched her.
"Yeah, I remember." I mutter spitefully.
"Well, I invited her. She's here right now." Buddy explains. I stop myself from slamming the phone down on the hook.

Why though? She was slightly rude to you, and then you were extremely rude to her behind her back. Also...that girl is there already at 6 A.M? And before y'all jump to the conclusion that she and Buddy, ya know, bAnGeD, I can tell you with certainty that that is in no way what I was implying.

"Oh." I manage without sounding to angry. "Well great. The more the...merrier...I guess." Buddy chuckles half heartedly. "Oh yeah, um, please don't be mad if Marcus shows up, either."

If anything, Buddy is the only who deserves to be slightly angry. It's his fuckin' house he can invite over anyone he fuckin wants to.

"It's okay. I expected as much. Well, gotta go, bye." Buddy hangs up. He expected as much? What does that mean? I put the phone back down on the hook and walk into the kitchen, again.

What even is this chapter?

It's now seven and my boredom has completely taken ahold of me. I contemplate even waking up Ophelia, but I'm not sure I want her company anyways. I sneak into her room, and wake up Marcy instead. She yawns and then trots downstairs with me.

Why did you wake up that talking poodle monster? She feeds on your hopes and dreams and we all tremble in the presence of Marcy the poodle.

"I'm hungry, Paige." she demands, and I roll my eyes and look into the fridge for some chicken or something. I pull out a can of wet dog food and drop it into her dog bowl. "Oh, you got it right." Marcy wolfs down the food, thanking me in her own way.

No shit she literally gave you a can labeled "Dog food", has she messed that up before? Did she only recently learn how to read "Dog food"? Did she give you a bottle labeled "laundry detergent" last time?

"I'm bored." I tell her, sitting down in my chair and slouching. Marcy stares at me for a second, licking her lips, and then continues to eat, while talking.
"What do you want me to do about it?" Marcy whines.

That was an extremely uncomfortable sentence.

"I dunno. Nothing I guess." I explain to her. When I get my familiar I'll never be bored.

Umm

Footsteps on the stairs distract me from my train of thought,
"Paige, Are you awake? What is Marcy doing out here with you?" Ophelia rubs her eyelids and sleepily walks down the stairs, yawning and stretching. "Oh never mind, just help me make breakfast."

Don't tell me what to fuckin' do

"Whatever. Don't make any for me, I've already eaten." I reply to her, and put a frying pan on the stove. Ophelia grabs an egg out of the fridge and cracks it over the pan, then stands watches me closely, smiling.

This is absolutely the most boring chapter of any book I've ever read in my entire life.

"What?" I ask her nonchalantly.

That's what I've been thinking this whole chapter.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking about your familiar." Ophelia's blue eyes follow me across the room. "I mean, I was so excited when Marcy was coming, and our life changed a lot with her, I'd like to think for the better. And now, my little sister is getting her familiar."

Yeah no one gives a shit

"Umm..." I mumble, she never talks like this.

She's high

"I know I'm not the best sister to you, but that doesn't mean I hate you, ok?" Ophelia raises her eyebrows, waiting for a response. This is more awkward than I feel like it should be.

"I know."

Okay? Was that supposed to make me feel something? Because I'm still the just of the woman I once was. The end.