The Worst Story Ever (Part Two)

Chapter One

Author's Note in Bold

So. Here you are. You probably read my first book and are looking for some more funny anecdotes from yours truly. Look no further. This book will be in the same style as The Worst Story Ever Part One, however, the writing that I am critiquing is my own...from about four or five years ago now (almost 10, now! WOW). This is in honor of the fact that I am (loosely) re-writing this story. I apologize in advance. 

Prologue 

If you use a prologue in any situation, nine times out of ten you're making a mistake. 

Familiars.

That was the original title! Are you excited yet?

They've become a part of everyday life, assimilating into our culture after many years.

Honestly, this part is really boring, but good for context so you should probably read it anyway.

But there was once a time when they did not exist, and all that humans had, were petty guard dogs and saddled horses. Cats that hunted uselessly, birds that chirped harmlessly and wild creatures that ruled the shadows.

My absolute favorite thing an eighth-grader was a hearty run-on sentence. 

Not any more.

Hundreds of years ago, all hell broke loose across the world. The actual cause of this devastating war is one of the most debated topics to this day. Many conflicting records exist, almost none match up. 

That's awful convenient that you don't have to explain it (Yes, I'll be referring to myself as you throughout the majority of this book. Fuck off!)

 The only thing we truly know is that no one ever wants anything like that to happen again. Entire countries were destroyed. Most of the U.S.A and parts of northern Mexico were completely devastated to barren wastelands. Over a billion people were killed, technologies were set back or completely lost.

HOW THO

A monster was created amidst the chaos; a king. The tyrant that seized power of the United States and once again started a monarchy there. Behind his back, he was nicknamed the butcher. It was said that the king had special powers, some kind of dark magic, necromancy.

The concept of magic is very glossed over in this book.

 It's rumored that the butcher was murdered by his best friend, who, after the end of the war, moved to Canada and tamed animals to protect his own children from those who would try to harm them.

Bro what I wouldn't give to move to Canada and start taming random-ass animals there. 

Like the tyrant king, it was said he too possessed gifts beyond human comprehension, which were passed onto his oldest child when he died.

WHat? He had magical gifts that he like, wrapped up and gave to his kids? Wtf?

The records begin to match up here. It is said that Logan, the oldest child, fearing another war like the one he had witnessed as a boy, came up with an idea; familiars. 

Ohmygod. Imagine being this awesome hero who basically re-wrote civilization, but you're name is literally just Logan. 

Genetically modifying any and all animals to protect a specific person from harm. He himself volunteered to assign the animals to their humans. He was nicknamed the picker.