life has been a rollercoaster lately.
in a good way? not as much i suppose. family have been distant, friends distant. i find it hard sometimes to communicate with them or to feel happiness for them because im not content myself. everything for me has been going in a straight line, which you could say is a good thing but i feel like everyone around me is moving somewhere, like my life is on pause while everyone else is moving at a fast pace. it is strange i guess, my life has always kind of been like this but i never really noticed it. some people might look at me and think i am a quiet person, wanting to just stay chill but in reality i want to take risks, i want to go out and do things that others are scared to do but i never have the opportunity.
i am going to Hawaii in 3 days and it hasnt hit me. i dont think i am going, mostly because nothing like this has ever happened to me before, i havent left the country and i have only left the state once. i am so lucky to be able to go, i couldnt be more grateful but its all too surreal.
i feel like a vegetable. i look somewhat lively from the outside but inside i feel mooshy, like you could poke me and i would wabble. i dont even know. all of my motivation and will power has disappeared, like, capush! life is different and i HATE this feeling. i feel weak, physically and mentally. i feel vunerable.
and you, i cant communicate with you. were lost. im lost. what is happening? we arent in each others 'circle' and i miss you. do i? or is it just for convenience?
YOU ARE READING
journey
Non-Fictioni need to write, i can get things out that i cant say physically. - - once i was scared to talk about things that i felt. i think this will help me. i am going to publish parts of it, i can feel as though (even no one will read it) i have a voice an...
