Sarcastic Izuku

Chap. 1 -Da makings of gayness

Izuku's pov

Today our teacher is talkin bout our future our something. I honestly couldn't care less, it's not like I'll have one of those.

"-It looks like Izuku wants to go to UA too." The teacher says, smirking.

That bi-. Wait... who did this? I didn't do that. I turn around to see one of Bakuhoes 'friends' snickering. That son of a-

"Phht, do you have a death wish?" Bakahoe says. Guess I'll play along. "Yeah, I do." I replied as-a-matter-of -factly. He dosen't respond.

~Time SKIPPU~

After class I start to pack up when...
"Hey Deku!" Oh look, it's a wild pomeranian and his little friends. "Hey! Are you ignoring me! Damn nerd! What's this? You still think you can be a hero?" Oh shiiiii- I still have the 'quirks analysis' notebook in there. He then proceeds to blow up and throw mah hard work out the window. Good thing I have a spare one, plus it's on my laptop. I'm smart.

He's almost out the door, but then, he turns around and says "Ya know, if you still want a quirk, there is a way. Take a swan dive off the roof and pray for a quirk in your next life." I think about it. "I would buuuut, i'm not elegant enough for that." I mumbled.

"Maybe a flip... OK!" I shout the 'ok' and they flinch a bit. "If you want, I will do a flip off the school's roof." They look nervous and tense. "Ya know what, screw you guys I'll do it ANYWAYS! I've done it before..." I tell them.

Before they can say anything, I run past them and up the stairs to the rooftop. I look at the roof and shout "YOLO!" Gaining people's attention. I then proceeded to do the flip off the roof, landing perfectly on my feet. I hear claps around me and I jokingly say "Thank you, thank you, you're to kind." I look at the time on my watch and realized that I need to go home.

"I would love to stay and chat but I have places to be, people to see. Ciao!" And sprint home. I ended up accidentally (yup complete and total accident) end up taking the long way. Totally not cuz I wanna relax for a bit before I get scolded by mama Inko.

Suddenly... "Ehh you'll do ok." Then I get suffocated by some kinky shit. But, who am I to kink shame. I like the pain... that's probably why I put up with baka goat's bullshit. He lets go for a second. "You're not going to struggle? Whatever, makes my life easier." Yay, I'm useful. "It honestly kinda kinky. I like your style, dude."

Then out of fricken nowhere... "I am here!" Wait... I recognize that voice. Eeeee! It's All might! What, just because I can't be a hero doesn't mean I can't fangirl over heros. Gosh, I can feel you judging me, reader.

(A/n: "Oh god, where's the flex tape-" Sorry, continue.)

"Are you ok young..." All might starts. "Izuku midoriya, sir. Yup I'm fine!" I tell him. "Good, then I must be off then. I need to turn in this guy." All might tells me. "W-wait." I start as I grab a hold of his leg.

"Gahh. What are you doing, let go!" He says. "Phht, sure I'll just yeet myself to the ground and go splat. I'm sure the media will love that- The number one hero killing an innocent child- a quirkless one at that.
Society is cruel is it not? I state, leaving him dumbfounded.

I proceeded to squirm out of his grip but he then quickly goes to the nearest rooftop and lands. I then start clapping saying " 10/10 landing, my dude." Wow. I'm so supportive. B-but no one supports my choice of Kermiting step on lego. (I crie ;~;)
"Gahh! Why are you crying!?" I then stop my little scene and ponder for a moment. "Why was I crying again?" I ask myself. "E- eh!? You don't know?" All might asks.

I turn to look at him but find a skeleton. "Did All might starve a guy, and this is the victim. For looking like him?" I ask no one in particular. "SIR! Are you ok? Are u ganna die? Are you a youtuber? If so, can I have your subscribbles?" I come at the ded lookin man with all da fierce questions.

(A/n: Izuku is da fiercest cinnamon roll uwu)

"N-no you may not believe this, but I'm All might." The skeleton man says. "Phht. Yea and I'm dead. Look we want things but unfortunately can't accomplish them." I tell the impasta. "Uhm, young Midoriya should I be concerned for your mental health?" 'All might' says.

"Nahh, but I don't believe that your All might." I say. He sighs then produces to tell me his life story to which I respond... "That's rough buddy." Wow, I'm such a supportive person. I should be a therapist. I would help EVERYONE. Yea, new life goal.

"I knew you wouldn't understand. Look." He starts to lift his shirt. "Woah there bud, we only just met and you look like you're 80 years old." I tell him. "I has a personal bubble (ùwú), unlike SOME people." I stated. "Sigh, I don't have time for people like you." He says and starts walking out of the building. Rude.

Welp, time to go. Out of the corner of my eye I see him turn as I walk to the edge of the building. Wow. Such edge. I proceeded to do a flip of the building. Yay, another 10 out of 10 landing. I'm so amazing. (Clap clap)

. I then walk away like I didn't just jump off of a building. The people around me look shook. (Shooketh) As I was contemplating my life and life choices, (very important stuff, might I add) i heard some explosions. Well excuse me for trying to have a moment of peace.

Wait... explosions? Oh heckkk, bakahoe is a victim. Does he always have to ruin my day? Gosh, dude. Fine, my conscience won't leave me alone if I didn't help. I run up the slime, (don't ask how) and throw my yaoi manga, very important to me btw, at it's eye. Hah, take that ya slimy brat. The slim let go of the pomeranian and I jumped down and caught him.

"I caught him sense y'all SUPPOSED heros didn't. Ya fakes." I tell them. (Izuku used COMMON SENSE, it was super effective) "Learn from the quirkless kid who just risked his life. Your lifes always at risk. That's what it takes to be a hero." I tell them.

I set down bakugou. "Bye ya fake britches." (yeah I spelled it like dat uwu) I run away before they could question me. To much work for me. Plus, I gotta get home.

Finally, I'm at the front of my house. Hopefully mama Inko doesn't scold me to much. "Hello there, young midoriya!" All might shouts. Oh my goodness gracious. I'm finna fight someone. Catch these cinnabon hands. (ง •̀ω•́)ง✧

"-ahem, are you even listening to a word I'm saying?"

(A/n: Sorry if my grammar gets worse its almost 2 am at this point. -_- Why am I doing this.)

"Nope!" I shout enthusiastically. (Wow that's a long word) "I'm saying that you can inherit my quirk." He says.

"Phht. Do I look like a joke to you? Nah, don't want it. I wanna make COFFEE. I BET I TRICKED YA BEING ALL HEROIC AND ALL! YOU THOUGHT I WAS GUNNA BE A HERO. NAW MAN THAT AIN'T ME- Ahem. Now that that's said." I practically shout.

He looked at me dumbfounded. "Y-you don't want my quirk?" He asked again. "Unless it's a coffee quirk or a quirk that gives good advice- so something for a barista or a therapist, no I dont want it." I stated.

"You don't want to be a hero?" He shouted. "No, but I think you should get that wax outta your ear. You don't seem to hear very well." Opps, that's a little rude. Oh well. Imma little rude sometimes. "I've never seen someone rejecting a quirk." He says. I ignored him and walk towards my door, open it, walk inside, and then shut it.

"Izuku Midoriya!" Oh no...

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That's it for the first chapter of this terrible story yaaaaaay ok bye.