in and out of love

seventeen

"You should talk to him, please just talk to him, I'm so scared." Zayn was begging Louis.

"No, I can't, I don't know how to..." Louis trailed off. One year and two months since he talked to Harry, since he saw Harry. Not just him- even Harry's friends don't know his whereabouts and they're just seconds away from filing a police report.

"Louis Tomlinson," Zayn snarled. "I don't give a fuck if you don't want to be with him or deal with him now, maybe he might pick his phone up if you call him, can't you see? He is miserable without you, you should stop your grudge against him."

"What if he found someone new and someone better?" Louis asks gritting his teeth.

They were in a restaurant cause Zayn wanted to 'talk'.

"Why the fuck do you think so low of him, sure he made some mistakes in the past but Lou, please get over it. What is wrong with you?"

"Zayn-"

"He's my best friend and my heart literally beats fast whenever I get a call, thinking maybe it's him. I miss him so much, Lou and I feel like something is wrong. I don't even know if he's alive anymore." Zayn continues, his voice toned down a bit.

"I'm scared too." Louis whispers.

"What?"

"I fucking miss him too, Zayn. It's just that, I'm afraid that he'll break me again. It took so much of my willpower to be in this position and I don't want to go back to that. Fuck, Zayn, I'm in love with him still, I don't-"

"Then talk to him." Zayn interjects.

"It's not easy!" Louis yells, making some heads look towards them.

"It's been a long time, I think it's time. It's not always about you, you know, think about him. He disappeared for over an year from the face of the Earth, imagine how hurt he is." Zayn says and leaves mumbling some words to himself.

And Louis was left alone with his thoughts. It's not that Louis doesn't want him anymore, he's afraid of getting hurt again, now that he has a three year old daughter to look after.

He wasn't content, nowhere near happiness without Harry, and the only reason he's dragging his life around was for Katherine.

Louis went past their house almost everyday and it's always dark and eerie with the car out always. So, he thought maybe Harry just left it for lease and went back to his mum's or maybe even started dating someone. He doesn't want to think about that.

-

Harry took a drag of his cigarette, pushing his long hair back from his forehead, looking over to the ocean in front of him. It was calm and peaceful with no people around.

It was a warm day in the month of June and it has been an year, one year since Louis left him, since he didn't want to do anything with him. Harry's life was a havoc, he changed many jobs since 'he wasn't focusing enough' and got fired, he hardly left home, he stopped interacting with his friends ( gives zero fucks about what they think ). He became an alcoholic, all of his remaining money spent on beers. Harry Styles was falling apart...without Louis.

The fact that Louis made no effort, not even a little effort to talk to him for one complete year shattered Harry's heart and he's convincing himself that he deserves it so much for treating Louis like a door mat. And Kate, he's missing her grow up, his chest aches for those two all the fucking time.

The waves were very monstrous that day and Harry wanted nothing more to leave the fucking world by drowning in the ocean cause really, what else does he have to live for.

"Harry, please," Louis sobs out, pleasure reeking through out his body as Harry kept jabbing at his sweet spot.

"Baby, god, just hold on, together yeah?"

They're panting into each other mouths, their intertwined fingers placed beside either side of his Louis' head.

I love you's where exchanged when they came together, smiling droopily.

Louis was always haunting his dreams- his teary eyes depicting how broken he was, the scars littering on his arms, the look he gave when Harry said 'he fell out of love'; it was all too much for Harry and there wasn't one night that has went by without sobbing for Louis.

If Louis was good enough to live on his own without his other half, Harry, then be it.

Harry got out of his car, discarded the cigarette, and trudged on the dry sad towards the ocean, tears running down his cheeks.

Flashbacks keep occuring, those happy moments, Harry was ready to do anything to get them back. But, he knows that this is it, that Louis was done with him, and no words or actions can get him back.

"I just really want a child." Harry whines.

Louis rolls his eyes fondly, thinking he got a baby in a body of a grown man.

"Yeah?"

"Badly."

"Me too." Louis mutters.

"So then, let's get one." Harry exhilarates.

"Okay."

"We're adopting a child. Our kid."

"Yes, Harry. Bloody hell."

"Oh my goodness." Harry says, peppering Louis' face with quick kisses, wherever he can reach making Louis giggle and god, he just feels very lucky. Both of them.

Water was hitting his feet, Harry didn't stop, he went even further, and further until his legs couldn't touch the ground and then let himself free by whispering, "I love you, Louis."