in and out of love

fourteen

Louis Tomlinson doesn't exactly know what happiness feels like, what it is like to be happy. He spent his entire childhood in darkness, escaping from his abusive father, getting rude and hurtful word bashings from the homophobes in school, he misses his mother so much until date. It's not fair, he thinks, it's not fucking fair that all the things/people he love end up leaving him in dirt. Once upon a time though when Harry was with him, when Harry made him smile and giggle, when Harry was just there, he knew what happiness was but now, now he's sad. He's sad and empty. He cries and cries and cries until his chest aches and the water stops flowing from his eyes. The pain that he's facing on an everyday basis is too much, too fucking much but somehow he learnt to deal with it without putting a blade to his skin. He has gotten over that phase, kind of. Sometimes he doesn't know why he's crying, he just does.

He's moving on with his life, he ended up getting a desk job as a receptionist at a doctor's office five months back ( something is better than nothing ). Louis moved out of Liam's flat as soon as he got decent money to rent an apartment, he put Kate in a daycare even though she's still very young for it because he doesn't have anyone else to take care of her. He still hangs out with his friends and takes care of Kate dearly but a little part, in fact a very big part is still missing and that is Harry.

Louis is still alive even after Harry kissed him, told 'I love you' and left him for the second time, five months ago. He has given up, well he tried to give up on Harry but there is a tiny hope that he'll come back around.

As for Neville, him and Louis are on great terms actually, as friends. Neville ended up getting back with Cody ( Louis is very thankful ) and they are in the process of adoption. Louis is very happy that his friend sorted things out, and he downright declined when Neville called him for a dinner night with Cody. He hates Cody. Twenty four by seven, Louis' mind is always wondering what Harry is doing, now that Cody and him are broken up.

It's February 9th, Kate's birthday and she's already two years old- he might or might not have cried. 6 in the evening and he's eating takeaway Mexican food, talking to a few friends he has invited over- except Harry, of course.

His friends are chitter chattering in the living, playing with Kate and he's angry. Louis is pretty furious that Harry didn't even bother to care regarding Kate's birthday at least if not for his birthday.

Louis got a text all of a sudden, the sound making him jump a bit. It was from an unknown number;

"Went over to Liam's but it's locked up. Where are you? Need to see Kate. And I know you hate me, but I gotta give you something. I love you, I really fucking do.

-Harry."

Oh. Louis looks over to Zayn who's sitting beside Liam down, back against the couch. Louis gets up and saunters into the kitchen, Zayn gets the memo and follows him.

"What happened?" Zayn asks while entering.

"Harry texted me." Louis says quietly, showing him the text message.

Zayn coughs awkwardly into his fist and re-reads it, "Well,"

"Well," Louis raises his eyebrow.

"Tell him your address." What.

"Zayn." Louis sighs.

"He's still a father to Katherine. She's still Katherine Styles- Tomlinson."

Louis texts Harry his address.

•

Half an hour later , a knock on the door interrupts the conversation between Louis and his friends ( it's just Liam, Zayn, Niall, Stan and Neville ). They stare at each other while Louis gets up and walks towards the door, looking into the peep hole revealing Harry.

He opens it and Harry looks miserable. So miserable, his eyes have bags beneath them, his hair is even longer looking like mane, and he smells like alcohol.

"Hi." Harry mumbles.

Louis just stares, gulping. "Hi." he says back.

"Can I uh, can I come in? Please?" Harry sounds desperate, and his once deep and smooth voice is very much rough and scratchy. Louis doesn't like it.

"Yeah, yeah sure." He moves himself from the doorway to let Harry in.

Everyone is shocked looking at Harry. He basically cut all of his ties with everyone for five long months, it kind of surprised them when he suddenly popped out of no where.

"Where were you, dammit?" Niall asks, coming and hugging Harry tightly. "And why do you smell like bar?"

Harry ignores Niall and he didn't even notice the hurt flashing across Niall's face.

"Kate." He whispers and goes towards her, who's sat in Liam's lap.

Liam gives Kate to him conveniently but not without glaring at him. "Happy Birthday, baby. I missed you so much." Harry says and starts showering her face with tiny, wet kisses which makes Kate giggle and the atmosphere in the room became light and warm from tense.

Louis is silent all the while. He doesn't get Harry. He seats himself beside Zayn on the couch.

No one says anything, they're just staring at Harry playing with Kate, letting him be. "I love you and daddy so much." He says, nuzzling her cheek. Everyone gasps.

"Harry," Louis starts.

Harry sighs, gives one last kiss to Kate's forehead and hands her back to Liam.

"Lou, I have something for you." He searches through his pockets and pulls out a folded paper and gives it to Louis.

"Read it thoroughly and if you don't want to talk to me, that's- that's okay, it's not okay but, god, just please read it." Harry says, tears whirling in his eyes.

And he's out of the door the next moment.

<•>

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