in and out of love

thirteen

Their chests were pressed together, tongues making their way into each other mouths, the feeling is so familiar and so magnetic- Louis wanted to keep relishing it. He knows what he's doing is wrong and is too quick for his own good but he missed the feel of Harry's lips on his, his touch and his fingers cradling his face.

Louis pulled himself back, breathing heavily and pushed Harry back with all of his strength. The tears starts dripping from his eyes, maybe due to the overwhelming feeling or nerves or fear.

"What is the fucking deal with you, Harry? What the fuck do you want from me?" Louis sobs, slumping down on his knees in front of him. He lost it, he's tired of fighting his emotions and he was doing a pretty good job of hiding it well until the last moment.

Harry doesn't say anything, he has his head down, crying too.

The flat is eerie all of a sudden; Kate somehow stopped crying somewhere in the middle, nothing is heard except for Louis' sniffles and Harry's sharp intakes.

Louis is crying into his hands and Harry kneeled down to Louis' position to touch him but was shrugged off almost instantly.

"Do not fucking touch me." Louis growls, his eyes red and anger radiating.

"Listen,-" Harry starts,

"No, you listen." He pokes Harry's chest. "I want you out of this place right now, this instant. She stopped sobbing and if she ever asks for you again, I'll manage without you, like the last three months. Now get back to your fucking boyfriend."

"Stop yelling." Harry mutters.

"Then get out of here." Louis stands up, dusting himself in the process.

"I need to see her first."

"See who?"

"My daughter, please Lou, please just let me see her once, I miss her so much and-"

"You don't have a daughter anymore, Harry. You lost the respect of being a father when you left her for someone who fulfilled your wims and fancies. Are you really that Harry I fell in love with? Are you really?" Louis' voice breaks, they stare into each other's eyes, taking in all those emotions. Harry wants the old louisandharry back again, that time before they started withering away.

"Lou," Harry's bottom lip trembles, he hugs Louis even though he's not supposed to do it, he was such a monster, such an asshole to him, he deserves to be punched and kicked by Louis- or maybe get killed even.

"Harry, please get off me."

"I love you, Louis."

"You don't." Louis snorts and walks towards his room where Kate is- he hopes she's sleeping.

He hears Harry's footsteps following him and Louis is so lost, so confused, he doesn't know whatever is happening now is for real or just another dream.

Louis gives out a content sigh when he see his beautiful daughter sleeping peaceful in the crib beside his bed, Harry walks past him from the door and glances down at Kate.

"Harry, don't-"

"Please, I want to see her fully."

Louis sighs.

Harry's large hand lingers on her soft, pink cheek and it slowly makes it's way to her hair which is a tad bit sweaty.

"My baby, I missed you so much, so so much, Katherine." Harry whispers which made Louis' heart leap and flutter and clench. He missed this so much and no, he doesn't want to cry again. He takes a couple steps towards his bed and sits on the edge, eyes not leaving Harry.

"I want us back, Louis." Harry says, turning to face him.

"Too bad, that's not happening."

"Lou, I made a big mistake and I'm so sorry, I know that's not enough but-"

Louis cuts him off, "You can't do whatever you want whenever you like, Harry. That's just insane."

"I miss us." Harry mumbled, his hands going slack on his sides.

"I miss us too but do you have any idea what you put me through? Your actions and your words. You basically told me that I don't make you happy anymore and do you know how much that effected me, I know I was never good enough for this damn world but coming that from you, the person who saved me from dying- it was mighty hard." Louis says softly.

"That's not true. I just had to talk it out with you, if I did that then maybe all of this might have never enough and Lou, you're more than enough, you're perfect, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

Louis stays calm.

"Louis? Show me- lift up those sleeves." Harry walks towards Louis.

Louis freezes and he knows there's no way out. He shuts his eyes tightly, preventing himself to look at Harry, slowly he drags the sleeves of his sweater backwards.

He heard a gasp and a sob and silence after that. Louis opened his eyes to find Harry no where in sight, and that led Louis to weeping with so much distress, thinking Harry left him yet again after looking at his ugly scars and his messed up soul.

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