A Choice Of Abiding

↠...potent, but not real, left you wanting more ↞

Berlin, Summer 2019

»in which I lost my trust.«

Caroline noticed something was wrong with her best friend, when she was half way through her ramble. Lucy never skipped the opportunity to hear about Caroline's tales of failed dates, if it was to seriously comfort her or for the entertainment. Caroline had busted out one of the most awkward dating experiences, she ever had in her live, yet not even a smile from Lucy. She nodded absently and took small sips from her latte. 

"What's up, Luce? You're not even acting like you're listening." Caro sighed. Lucy shook her head, as if she got ripped out of a daydream. 

"I'm sorry. It's just... I'm worried about Leon." 

Leon. Her godforsaken boyfriend. Caroline didn't like him, at all. She barely knew him besides from stories, but what she knew was more than enough. The few times she met him, he had proven himself to be as arrogant and manipulative as she imagined him to be. If not worse. Caroline was sure the dislike was mutual. Leon was a possessive type, which didn't seem to bother Lucy or she didn't want to notice. Caroline was Lucy's best friend since their childhood days. They shared a connection, that Leon could never have with her. Caro knew, how much he hated this. Because she was getting in the way of him completely abuse Lucy's kindness and love for him. At least, that's, what Caroline suspected 

"What happened?" Caroline asked softly. She always kind of hoped, that they would break up. She had told Lucy this once, but Lucy explained, that if this relationship was a mistake she was willing to make it. So the only thing Caroline could do, was trying to be there for her friend whenever she could. 

"He is dealing again." Lucy lowered her voice so Caroline could barley understand what she said. Of all the negative characteristics of Leon, there was one, that overshadowed them all. The fact, that he was an opioid dependent. A heroin addict, to be exact. "What makes you feel this way?", she asked anyway. 

"He stays out late. When he comes home, he barley talks to me. In the mornings he seems stressed out and the last time, he said he would be working... Please don't think I'm crazy, but I actually drove by the restaurant. His coworker told me, that he didn't even had a shift this night. I mean, what else am I supposed to think?" Lucy buried her face in her hands. 

"But if he is actually dealing again, that can only mean..." Caroline started and Lucy nodded.

"He's consuming again and he needs the money." She sighed finally talking her hands of her face again,  "I know you are suppose to trust your significant other and I sound like a controlling freak, but..." 

"You don't sound like a controlling freak. You sound like you care way to much for the wrong person. He is a drug addict, that didn't change, when he stopped consuming. Also you've been through this with him two times already. It's normal, that you don't trust him, believe me."

Lucy laid her head on the table. 

"I can't do this again, Caro. All the lies and the fights. I can't go through this again", she whined. She was exhausted. She loved him and wanted to help him, but it was draining her. She had her own problems as well, she couldn't live only to fix the boy she loved. 

"I know you don't like to talk about this, but have you thought about ending it?" Caroline asked cautiously. Lucy looked up with a desperate look in her eyes. 

"Yeah, I'm thinking about it all the time." she whispered in agony. She didn't want to admit it, but leaving him and all this problems behind her was the easy way out. But Lucy could never forgive herself, if something would happen to him, because she broke it of. She still loved him way to much to leave him alone with this.