control ↣ joshler ✓

20. Aftermath

Tyler glanced over and saw his phone light up.

He let out a small sigh when he saw it was Josh texting him and telling him he was here.

Tyler glanced at himself one last time in the mirror. He was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans but his eyes caught the scars and marks on his arms and he shuddered. Hating the way he looked, he grabbed his black sweatshirt off of the bed and tugged it on slinging his bag over his shoulder.

He left his room and was about to go down the stairs when Maddy was on her way up. She glanced at Tyler before quickly walking past him and into her room. He sighed sadly as his grip on his backpack straps tightened and he went downstairs.

Once Tyler was downstairs, he walked into the kitchen to see his mom making breakfast and Zack and Jay at the table.

It was a week into December now so Zack was home for winter break. Tyler's birthday had been a week prior but he didn't do anything to celebrate it like previous years. He didn't feel like he deserved to.

"Morning," he mumbled as he walked in, going over to grab a pop tart to eat before school.

"Morning, honey," his mom smiled gently at him.

After the... incident... Tyler felt horrible so he sat down with his mom and apologized to her and told her he just wasn't feeling very good mentally. She had offered to get him help but Tyler didn't think he could find any help that dealt with the PTSD of being possessed and exorcised. Maddy was still the only one who knew about that.

His mom was cautious around him now. Jay just wanted Tyler to be nice to him again and if Zack noticed anything different he didn't say anything. And Tyler's encounter with Maddy minutes earlier was how it always was.

"Morning, Ty Ty!" Jay greeted as he ate a spoonful of Frosted Flakes.

Tyler forced a smile on his face. "Josh is here. I'll see you guys after school."

"Good luck on your finals," his mom kissed his forehead.

"Thanks," he replied half heartedly before walking out the door.

He made his way to Josh's car with his head down, looking down at his shoes instead of at Josh or his car. He got in and set his bag on the floor, welcomed by the blasting heat.

"Hey," Josh smiled.

"Hi," Tyler murmured.

Josh backed out of the driveway before driving down the street and pulling to side and re-parking. "Let's talk. School doesn't start for half an hour and it takes fifteen minutes to get there."

"What do you want to talk about?" Tyler asked, anxiety filling his body. Was Josh going to break up with him? Tyler sure deserved it.

"You."

"What about me?"

"How are you feeling?"

Tyler looked over at Josh and saw a serious look on his face. "Terrible," he replied honestly. "I feel terrible."

"Why?"

Tyler let out a dry laugh. "Why? Because I'm a freak, Josh."

"How are you a freak?"

"I have weird marks and scars over my body that I won't know what to do with once sweatshirt season is over. I have insane anger issues now. My veins and blood are black-"

He grabbed Josh's keys from the cup holder since his car was a push to start and held the car key up. Without hesitation, he ran the sharp edge across his hand hard.

"Tyler!" Josh gasped, grabbing the item from him.

Tyler looked down and watched as black oozed from the gash before it began to heal and close up. Within seconds, all that was left was a scar going perpendicular from the one caused by the rock at the skatepark. "That didn't even hurt."

"Tyler..." Josh sighed.

Tyler held a finger up. "And I know you saw my eyes flash red for a moment. I couldn't see them but I know it happened. It happens any time I experience extreme negative emotion. That's not normal."

"Normal's overrated," Josh shrugged.

Tyler felt an instant surge of anger go through him. "Why do you keep playing all of this off?" He snapped. Once he realized he did he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Josh looked down. "It's okay."

"See?" Tyler's eyes filled with tears. "That's another thing. The whole time that thing-" he said the word with heavy distaste. "-was inside of me, I still knew everything that was happening. It was like watching a TV show but not being able to change the channel. I couldn't control what I was doing or saying or who I was hurting.

"The two things I could stop were us breaking up and me hitting you. I could never lay a hand on you. I did a lot of other bad things though. I made a bunny explode for God's sake."

"That wasn't you," Josh argued.

"Yes it was," Tyler replied. "You keep saying none of the stuff that happened was me but I'm the one who caused it all! I made you cry and feel terrible about yourself. I couldn't even celebrate our anniversary.

"On top of that my baby sister is scared of me. So is my cat. Gracie used to try to attack me and now any time I try to get close to her she runs and hides. Maddy has to take care of her now. Plus, I almost killed my best friend, Josh. Lina almost died because of me."

"That wasn't you," Josh repeated.

"Yes it was!" Tyler shouted. He could see his own reflection in Josh's window and his lip wobbled when he saw his eyes glow red for a moment. "Josh I'm so messed up," he sobbed out. "Physically and mentally. I'm such a freak."

"No one at school likes me anymore even though I've tried to smooth things over. I don't sleep at all because I either have nightmares or I get anxiety attacks thinking it's gonna happen again. Everything that demon did to me or made me do stayed. I have to eat meat now because if I don't it's like there's something inside of me that doesn't get satisfied. The only thing I don't do is cuss. It's the one thing I have control over."

"Tyler, you're not a freak," Josh assured.

"I feel like one. I feel defective," he let out a shaky sigh. "I just want to be the old me. And I'll never be that way again."

It was quiet for a moment.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?" The mentioned replied.

"Why didn't you dump me? Or why haven't you dumped me since it left? You don't have to stick around and deal with my issues."

Josh smiled sadly. "Because I'm fucked up too. I wasn't possessed or anything but I got emotionally, mentally, and verbally every single day for a month. I saw a rabbit blow up. I had to perform an exorcism on my boyfriend. I watched my best friend almost die. I figured we could help each other through the aftermath of this. Get through this shit together."

"I don't know if I can get through it," Tyler said quietly to himself. "I live in paranoia and regret every single day of my life."

"I need you," Josh grabbed Tyler's hands tightly. "I just need my boyfriend right now. My real boyfriend. Not some entity inside of him. I love you."

"I love you too," Tyler replied honestly. "I'm sorry you have such a screwed up boyfriend."

Josh shook his head. "I don't."

Tyler smiled softly and kissed him gently. "You're a sweet boy, Josh. You deserve so much more."

Josh smiled back, starting the car back up and grabbing one of Tyler's hands again. "I've got all I deserve and need right here and I couldn't be more thankful to have you back."

"I couldn't be more thankful either."