poems

was it all a lie

Maybe it was true
Maybe the thoughts that swarmed my head were right
Maybe all the love I thought I know was a lie
Maybe all the smiles where just the residue of evil laughs that will echo forever behind my back
Maybe I was right to give up on the world so soon
Maybe I was right to date the day I planned to die
That date that is still circled on a calendar in my head
A calendar filled with the dates that I was lied to
Dates I was betrayed
Dates that my heart broke to pieces not only by my family but by u
Is it love when I'm purposefully ignored, is it
You tell me cause this whole time
Knowing u I thought u could show me what love is
Yet now I look back at my stupidity
All the smiles I sent ur way carelessly
All the times u looked in my eyes and told me the words I love u
The words u never truely meant
The words I hope never leave my lips again
This isn't real heart break but it sure as hell feels like it
We left off on good terms but that doesnt mean I dont love u still
That doesnt mean ur words will hurt me any less
All the time I promised I wouldn't die
I'd live forever here with u
All the small promises I made to myself for u
I will not cut for u
I will not lie to u
I will not cry because of u, cause I thought it would hurt u
I would say alive for u
I wouldn't die for u
But since I started to realize u never really cared I've already broken my first two promises
And while I'm writing this I'm breaking the third
But it's not like u ever stop to see what I write so why should I care if I write that I'm crying cause u
U hurt me so bad today
And some how u thought it would be okay
And soon I feel as thou I'll break my last two promises
I won't live I will merely try to survive
I won't survive because all I want to do is simply die.