i found happiness
in him
he made me feel bliss
and he continues to make
my heart be filled with joy
i found happiness
in them
they made me feel included
like i was apart of something important
and they continue to make me smile
as if everything is alright
but when i'm alone
in my room
with nothing but a study light on,
is when she appears.
she comes to tell me
that i dont deserve him
that i dont deserve them
that i dont deserve anything
or anyone.
she comes to tell me
that the mirror tells the biggest lie.
the skin should be cut and lost
the stomach should be empty
that the legs should stay apart.
and as much as i want to stay away from her
i cant.
because she always comes back
to tear me apart
and to take the temporary happiness
that i seldom feel.
and she takes it in her arms
and turns it into a monster
then gives it back to me
and tells it to stay close to me
when im alone
in my room
with nothing but a study light on.
so even if i do feel joy
in my heart,
often times,
i can only find
the sadness in my eyes
as i slowly fall apart
-
2-6-20
2:12 am
4
