The Fallen Goddess

But Why Cameren?

The familiar feeling of being grabbed and pulled away is different this time; it's strained and slow. It's almost as if Koreena and I are on a tightrope that has extended way too far and is slowly breaking.

I can still feel Koreena gripping my arm, but it feels faint, as if she's, or I am for all I know, between two different locations.

We are suspended in time, the two of us, and as we walk along the tightrope-thing that stands between us and death, I feel the line breaking, getting thinner.

I've never felt this before, so I don't know if I can speak, but I try anyway; I try to tell Koreena that we have to run the distance of this life-rope, because if we don't, then we'll lose the thing we're fighting for.

All that comes out of my mouth, however, is a low, rasping gasp, a sputter of noises that were once words.

I don't let this deter my intentions in the slightest; realizing that I can't speak, I grab Koreena tightly and run. She's seems reluctant at first, but then I suddenly feel a little weaker, and I think she feels it too, because she no longer hesitates.

We run, we the lengths of life, the lengths of death, we run and run, all the while aware of the sloping, of the fact that we are getting closer and closer to death.

It takes a minute, two minutes, three minutes. It keeps going, until finally, right when I could feel my skin thinning out over my body, could feel my body decompose, the ground leveled out and we both slow down.

We regain ourselves in the short time it takes to walk the distance of this ground, becoming whole and healthy again. We walk along, but suddenly, everything around us dissolves into dust, making me fear that we are not safe after all.

I close my eyes, preparing for the fall, but it doesn't come; I open my eyes, and I am standing in a beautiful Chinese city, full of color and life.

I look around for Koreena, and see her on the ground, breathing heavily. I kneel beside her.

"Koreena, are you okay?" I ask, hoping that she's able to respond. Luckily, it seems that no one around has seen anything, or at least does not seem to think it important.

She nods slightly, almost imperceptibly, but I understand nonetheless. I help her stand up, which seems to hurt her even more, but she won't sit back down.

"We need to find a hotel or something," I whisper, more to myself than her, which is king of selfish.

I walk along, helping Koreena most of the way. I ask many people if they speak English, and get a lot of confused looks, but finally I find a person who does, almost perfectly.

"Yes, I speak English," she says, smiling.

"Great. Where are?"

Without questioning a thing, she responds, "Xining, Qinghai."

"Right. And, uh, where can we find a place to stay?"

The woman just smiles, and says, "A few blocks over."

She points north, and I thank her many times before actually moving over to the hotel.

When I reach it, I realize that it looks fundamentally different from other hotels that we've been to before, but it looks beautiful.

I go inside and we get a room. It takes a minute for the room to be ready, but when it is, we go up to the room.

I open the door and only have a second to admire the design before I have to lay Koreena on one of the beds; she's not doing so well.

"Koreena," I shake her slightly, gently. "Are you okay?"

My voice sounds extremely worried, and it actually fits. I'm scared for her, something she was so desperately trying to avoid, and though I can't control how worried I feel, I can't help but feel a little guilty.

"I'm fine," she manages to say.

"No, you're really not. I'll get some water and you need to sleep." I respond. She tries to get up, protesting and saying that she's okay, but I know better.

I made her stay, I get her some water, and not long after, she falls to sleep.

It's dark outside when she finally wakes up. During those hours while she slept, her breathing was so shallow that at times I couldn't tell that she was alive, and I though I had killed her.

I'm indescribably relieved when she opens her eyes and looks at me with thankfulness and life in her eyes. She sits up on the bed, leaning against the headboard, and looks at me where I am sitting on the sofa.

"Thank you," She says quietly.

I know she's afraid to say more, thinking I'll explode again, but all my anger has long since relented.

"I don't hate you. And I forgive you," I say gently, hoping that she'll forgive me too.

Silence fills the air like a thick fog, but I feel none of the resentment that was there before. Somehow, I can tell it's going to be okay.

She's not angry with me, and I'm not angry with her.

"So what's this new brother's name?" I ask, breaking the silence.

I expect it to once again be something crazy and weird, but Koreena responds, "Cameren."

There is once again silence, and then , not able to hold it in any longer, I burst out laughing.

"That's his name? Like his actual name?" I ask Koreena, who has gotten off the bed and is smiling. I get up too, to be able to face her. She nods.

I laugh even harder, and now Koreena joins in too. We're laughing and we can't stop and the sound is so sweet and welcome.

I haven't heard the sound of Koreena enjoying herself in a long time. Too long a time, and seeing her now, watching her lips move with the tremors of laughter, seeing her hair flutter around her, making her look like an angel...

I move in and kiss her, like I haven't done in so long. I realize only as I do it how much I missed it. I can't stop, and neither can she. We slowly shift over to the bed.

Once again, I don't know if I should do this, I mean I haven't taken her on a real date even once, much less three times. But I know that she wants it, so I want it too.

I begin to kiss her neck, and Koreena sighs softly in my ear. She touches my chest, and reaches down at little further to the end of my shirt; she grips it and then pulls the shirt over my head.

Things start to get a little heated at this point; I push her onto the bed and she pulls me onto her. Her fingertips lightly brush the back of my neck and she runs her hands over my hair.

We kiss and kiss and kiss; we don't stop. Our clothes are tossed all around the room, and we kiss where ever we can reach. We are a mess of moans, kisses, and limbs, and even as things start to cool down, I'm still glad to be with her.

I'm still glad that, even though I miss my family, she forced me on this "adventure".

I'm still glad to have been able to get to know her, to feel what I feel for her.

I'm still glad to have her with me.