The Fallen Goddess

Remembering

I open my eyes with difficulty.

My eyes lids are still heavy from dying.

Dying... shouldn't I be dead and not awake?

But then again, why would I be dead?

It's like I'm caught between two realities. Part of me is questioning why I'm not in a hospital, and another part of me is wondering why I would be in the hospital in the first place.

Part of me is wondering where Koreena is... the other half is asking where my baby is. Baby? I don't have a baby...

But half my brain says I do.

I sit up in the bed that I'm sprawled upon and see the hotel room around me; the hotel room that Koreena and I fought in. But... Koreena is my baby, so how and why would we fight?

I'm not sure what to do, but I don't have to figure out; suddenly I am knocked back onto the bed with incredible force.

Suddenly lips are on mine and I should probably break away but I can't. We just feel so right.

I open my eyes and see the woman that's been following me for years, but... I also remember being with her.

And suddenly everything comes back.

I still don't understand why an entire lifetime is engraved in a piece of my brain, but now I am not confused between them. This is reality, I am kissing Koreena, I am back to normal.

Koreena runs her hands through my hair and presses herself so firmly against me that I can hardly breath.

"I'm so sorry," she breathes in between kisses.

I pull her closer to me and kiss her more as way of telling her that I forgive her. Her hands travel down my shirt and I grip her sides.

We stay like that for a while, until I finally break away.

"Koreena, what happened to me? What did you do?"

She moves off of me, repositioning herself beside me on the bed. She has her my hand firmly gripped in hers. 

"I don't really have the ability to go back in time. So I just kind of... I put you into your own mind. It's almost like you were asleep and just dreaming."

"How long have I been 'asleep'?" I question, sitting up straighter.

"About a week."

My eyes open with shock and I move away from her slightly.

"A week? Why did you let me stay out that long? Where did you go? Did you find the River?"

"I didn't find the River. I don't think we got the riddle right. I looked basically everywhere that hover boards are made, but I found nothing."

I let this sink in for a minute.

"And you still didn't wake me? It wasn't a dream you know!" I raise my voice. I don't want to fight after having just gotten back from what feels like twenty years of separation, but I can't help myself. "It was a nightmare that I had to live through. I was tortured by the memory of you, and I couldn't shake this-"

"It wasn't the memory of me," she interrupts, shaking a little. "I was there. I know that it wasn't a dream. I know that..."

She trails off.

"So every time I tried to reach you? Every time I tried to get to you? You just decided to-"

"I didn't decide anything!" Koreena says, speaking through me again. "I didn't want to leave you, but I had no choice!"

"You had a choice! And you chose to leave me inside my own screwed up head for nothing! You showed your face every now and then and drove me crazy for years!"

"They weren't years!"

"Yeah, but it felt like it."

She stays silent after I say this. She gets up from the bed and comes over to me.

"Blake, I'm sorry," she says, taking my hands; I don't resist. "I have to go back, and you wouldn't understand. I don't have an explanation for what I did, but I'm sorry."

I want to keep fighting; I want to let her know how hurt I am. But I honestly don't have the energy. I sigh and say, "You don't need to be. I understand. And when you come back, I'll be waiting for you."

I bring her hands to my shoulders, and then I lean in and kiss her.

When we break apart, I smile and so does Koreena.

When stand there for a while, just looking at each other.

"So how do we figure out where we can find the River?" I ask, still standing with her.

"I've been thinking about it, and I think Jordeal might have an answer," she responds.

"Okay. So how do we contact him?"

"That's the only problem."

I don't say anything to this; I just keep standing there, holding Koreena.

I don't know how we are going to make it through this. There is still so much to be considered, so much to do, but we don't have to do anything tonight.

We don't have to start trying to find Jordeal right now; we can just enjoy this time together and forget about the rest of the world. At least for tonight.

After all, isn't that what we all live for? The little things?