From the Start

Chapter 2

"There is no point taking the road of dead end."

I woke up in the morning feeling heavy. I have not gotten up from my bed and just staring at the ceiling thinking how this day would be. Before Lance’s came, I have already thought of spending this day chatting with him endlessly or if he wants to go out, we can go to the mall or even just stay in our entertainment room and watch some movies or play some video games. Now, I am sure none of these are going to happen. So I am so surprised when I got down the dining area and found him sitting in the nook together with my mom and dad.

“Morning Baby.” my mom greeted as I entered the room. I went straight to her to give her a kiss and so with my dad. Then I heard him chuckled.

“Hey Lynce. So nothing’s changed. You still get up late.” Lance was chewing his pancake as he teased her. 

Gusto ko sana siyang isnabin pero hindi ko naman maatim na gawin. Naiinis ako pero di ko naman mailabas yung inis ko kasi sigurado magtataka siya pati na rin sila Mommy at Daddy.

“Morning Lance. Aga mo ah. Anong  meron?” Nakakunot noong tanong ko sa kanya. I sat down in front of him and he seemed to notice the indifference since we always seat together when he is here. He is quietly eyeing me. But then he smiled and immediately changed his mood.

“Invite sana kita. Let’s go somewhere. I really missed this place.” He joyfully said.

Ok. Yun lang nasabi ko pero sa loob loob ko gusto kong magtatalon sa tuwa kasi makakasama ko pala siya gaya ng inasam ko. Dali-dali kong tinapos ang breakfast ko para makapaghanda. I almost slip a step in the staircase and I heard him say to take it slow and take my time.

Grabe. Ang bilis ko naligo at nakapagbihis. Ganoon ako ka-excited na makasama siya ng kami lang. In no time, I am in the living room where he is waiting.

“Bilis ah. Di ka naman masyado excited niyan.”Tukso sakin ni Lance sabay kurot sa pisngi ko. Hinampas ko siya ng mahina sa braso at saka ako napabungisngis. “Sira, inisip ko lang na kanina ka pa naghihintay, kakahiya naman sayo. For sure, you’re not use to ‘filipino time’anymore.”

"Yeah, right. I am so thankful that Shania shares the same sentiment with me. We both don't want late comers." Nakangiting sabi niya sa akin. Lalong lumiit ang singkit na niyang mga mata sa pagngiti nito.

"Good to know. At least hindi ka na naiinis sa inip kagaya noon kapag naghihintay ka sakin." Nakangiting sabi ko sa kanya. Pero sa loob-loob ko lang, nakakainis na naipon yung yamot niya sa akin noon. Hindi naman siya nagrereklamo dati. Pagkatapos nun ay natahimik na ako.

He must have sensed me to make me stop walking through the carporch. Hinawakan niya ko sa balikat para iharap sa kanya. "Hey. Don't get me wrong. Hindi ako nagrereklamo sayo kung yun ang naiisip mo. You're different.  You'll always be my bestfriend. Lahat ng gawin mo, ok sa akin. Lahat ng tungkol sayo, tanggap ko." Hindi ko maiwasan na mapangiti sa sinabi niya. At hindi ko na din naiwasan na yakapin siya. Surprised, he maybe, coz I felt him stiffened before he embraced me tighter.

"Namiss kita, Lance." Sobra. And I held him tighter.

"I missed you too Lynce. Nasabi ko na yun kahapon ah."

"I know." I smiled at him and freed myself from our embrace. He walked to the passenger side and opened the door for me.

We went to our favourite mall and surveyed all the stalls he missed. We ate to our favourite restaurant. Lance has always been a complete gentleman. Lagi nitong iniisip ang gusto niya. Laging nakaalalay sa kanya. Siya yung tipo ng tao na kapag kasama mo, hindi mo mararamdaman na out-of-place ka. He is very attentive to you.

Naisip ko tuloy yung girlfriend niya. She is so lucky. Sa akin pa lang na kaibigan niya, ganito na kabait at kalambing si Lance, paano na lang kaya sa girlfriend nito. Naalala ko nanaman siya. Nalulungkot talaga akong hindi ko maintindihan. Naglalakad kami ngayon sa may roof garden ng mall na may maliit na fountain when he opened the topic that I dreaded to come.

"Lynce, about Shania." He stopped and faced me. He held my chin to look me in the eye. "Don't you like her?" I was caught off guard with the question I really couldn't react. Napuno ng kalituhan ang mukha ko kung saan nagmula ang tanong na yun.

"Why do you ask? Did I do something bad? Did she say anything?" Maiinis na ba ako sa Shania na yun? Sinisiraan niya ba ako sa kaibigan ko?

"Nothing like that. Napansin ko kasi kahapon na hindi mo man lang siya kinakausap." Binitawan niya ang baba ko at hinila ako papunta sa mga benches doon. "I was expecting that you both will jive. Pareho kasi kayong makulit at masayahin nun. But you were too quiet. Somehow I was thinking you were mad at me. Were you?"

"No," was all I said. Hindi naman kasi ako talaga galit sa kanya. Nagtatampo siguro oo, pero galit, hindi. "Nabigla lang siguro ako Lance, pero hindi ako galit. Saka kilala mo naman ako, hindi ako palakaibigan at mahiyain ako."

Yung titig niya ngayon sakin, pinapabilis yung pintig ng puso ko. At kung magsasalita pa ako, pakiramdam ko, mauutal ako dahil parang hinihingal na ako sa bilis ng tibok nito. Nagugulat ako sa mga nararamdaman kong ganito. Wala naman ito dati.

"Lynce, are you ok?"

"Huh?"

"I was calling you for few times but you're just staring at me." Concern is visible in his face.

"I'm ok Lance. Don't worry. Iniisip ko lang yung mga nangyari kahapon kaya parang nag-space out ako." Tumango-tango siya.

"Sorry Lynce kung hindi ko nasabi yung tungkol sa amin ni Shania." He held my hand in both his hands. "We are dating for three months now, but we know each other for a year." He started saying all those things; how they met, how it all started. And I realised, those times that I thought he was happy talking to me, he was happy because someone is making him feel that way. I felt that twinge of pain in my heart. And suddenly, I wanted to cry. But I kept at bay. I wouldn’t burst out infront of him. I would never want him to see me weep while he speaks of his happiness.

"Ahm.. Lance, can we go home. Medyo pagod na kasi ako. May pasok pa ako bukas." Gusto ko na talagang umuwi kasi nahihirapan na ako. Kung magtatagal pa kaming magkasama, hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko at posibleng mangyari.

But there is something I am sure of, I am entertaining thoughts and feelings that I shouldn't.  The more I try suppress it,  the deeper it gets. The longer I drive, the narrow the road leads on. There is no point on taking the road of dead end.

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