Blackjack

Chapter 3

"I," you swallow, staring back at him. "I need to go."

Surprise crosses Jungkook's expression. "You – what? Need to go, now?"

Nodding, you bend and grab your clutch from the ground. Cheeks heating up, you adjust your skirt lower on your thighs. "This was a mistake," you say, struggling to stay firm in your decision. "We shouldn't have done this."

Jungkook stares back at you, his expression unreadable. "I don't understand."

"That's – you don't have to," you mutter, looking past.

You now realize now how foolish this was. How dangerous it was to be together, out in the open – anyone could have walked past, anyone could have seen. Thinking this, you glance over your shoulder. No one is there. No one you can see, anyways.

Jungkook has not moved from his place on the sidewalk. He only looks at you, gaze calculating in a way which reminds you who he is. Not that you ever forgot, really. It is only that when you are with him, Jungkook is never what you expect him to be. He is a part of Bangtan, a man who calls himself the Shadow and you thought this would make him cold, unfeeling. While it is true Jungkook is biting – it is true, he withholds, he has never pushed you for that you do not wish to give. He has never asked for something he would not hand over in turn. Jungkook does not shackle you to him, which is exactly what you have come to fear from men like him.

Jungkook watches you carefully though, and you find yourself remembering both who he is and what he is capable of. Jungkook is a man bred for carnage, born with deception in his blood. He understands humans, understands their inner workings – and so he understands you, or at least, in part. Drawing upon a long-lost part of yourself, you shutter your expression. You fight to feign boredom, shrugging a shoulder.

"You don't have to understand," you respond tersely. "You just need to know this happened before, but not again."

The corner of Jungkook's mouth lifts. "I think I've heard you say that before."

You do not react, fighting to stifle the warmth rushing through you. "I didn't mean it before. I do now."

Jungkook's brow furrows in confusion. "You do mean it," he says.

Looking away, you shift your weight to your heels. "I need to go."

"You said that before, too," Jungkook counters, although quieter. "You're not afraid of me, are you?" When you stiffen, he sighs. "That's rare. I could make you stay, you know. It's what most in my position would do. It's probably what you fear I will do. I've been told who to be before, though and would not presume to do the same to you."

It is growing more and more difficult not to react to his words. Jungkook speaks quietly, without deception.

"Thank you," you say, automatic – you, also, despise being told who you are.

"Can I just ask..." Jungkook seems almost hesitant. "Is it me?"

The question is so human, such a normal thing that in the moment, you are shocked into telling the truth.

"No," you blurt – wincing, when you realize what you have said. You should have lied and said yes, it is him. Should have insisted you felt nothing – in short, you should have lied. It would have been far simpler to leave things like that.

"Then," Jungkook begins, but you interrupt.

"It's interesting," you say, taking a step closer. "You say you hate being told what to do, but are currently employed by Bangtan. Not just employed, but are head of their most insurmountable tasks – the worst things possible. I can't imagine Namjoon gives much choice when telling you what to do."