only acting → ON HOLD

75🍻🍻

it felt like she couldn't breathe. she stared at her screen with a mixture of distaste and overwhelming sadness. she knew she should've unfollowed them the moment he said he wanted to break up, but she just couldn't bring herself to click that tiny button.

but matt never unfollowed her either, though. she checked every day. she made sure he was still there-he viewed her stories and once liked her photo, but that was it. it wasn't much, but he was there.

that was all that mattered. their mutual was the only thing from their relationship that remained. she didn't want to lose that too.

she felt the tears well up in her eyes as she scrolled through his new girlfriend's instagram. there were so many photos of them together; maybe even more than what they had and it pained her. it pained her so much to see that matt was doing well, maybe even more, without her.

why was she always the one suffering? she'd really thought matt was the one, but maybe the one never existed. not for her, anyways.

the more she stared at their photos, the more it felt like she was sinking into a deep, deep abyss. one that she may never be able to get out of.

she didn't want to call misha for help. she reminded her too much of something that she and matt couldn't sustain. she wanted to be happy for her best friend, especially since she'd always been there for her and had always wanted to find something as precious as what she and joba shared, but deep down, she was jealous. so jealous, seeing them together made her bitter and angry.

she didn't want to call moira's either. she loved the girl, really, but she didn't want to burden her with all this stress in her life, especially not when moira's image of her was so pure and so perfect. if she'd see her like this, surely that image would go down the drain too quickly to be salvaged. she didn't want that.

and then there was one.

jerm was always someone she could count on. when misha and moira were too busy to accommodate her, jerm was always there for her. he held her hand through thick and thin; the boy was an angel, quite frankly. and she knew she was putting too much pressure on him-to the point he thought he was the cause of her and matt's separation, but she just had no one else to turn to.

so, with more familiarity that she'd like to admit, she swiftly finds his contact number and gives him a call.

the phone rings four times before she could hear his voice; crisp and clear. much like the first day of a long awaited summer.

hello?