Through The Dark || Harry Styles

30. HARRY

HARRY

I'm already lying on the bed, my feet crossed at the ankles as I will my mind to stop imagining getting into that bath with Lucy and how my hand would feel gliding over her soapy, wet skin.

I try to distract myself with my book, like I have been doing all day, when Lucy makes her way out of the bathroom, that creamy silk robe tied around her waist and her hair in a messy knot on top of her head.

"Lola's asleep in the living room," I tell her before she can ask and she smiles hesitantly, her mind clearly on something else.

The bed squeaks as she crawls onto her side and regardless of how comfortable she is with me, her fingertips still clasp the neck of her robe shut. I keep focused on my page until I see her sit up a little straighter and reach for her book that I've moved to the nightstand.

She smells so good, the floral scent from the bubble bath seeping into her soft skin and I shift to be closer, moving my body across the mattress so that my head rests on her leg, my eyes reading the same fucking sentence over for the past twenty minutes.

Without prompting, she combs her fingers through my hair and I look up from where I'm pretending to read.

"This okay?" I ask and she nods right away.

The feel of her nails lightly scratching my scalp makes my eyelids fall shut, relishing in her touch that she offers so sparingly.

"I like it here," she mumbles only a fraction above a whisper but there is something else in her voice, like she is making pleasantries before getting to what she really wants to say.

"Me too."

I turn to face her and she bites the side of her lip, seemingly wanting to speak, but unsure.

"What are you thinking about?" I risk asking as I hook a hand under her legs to keep her close.

"Life," she says ambiguously.

"Mmm?"

She puts down her book and locks her eyes with mine.

"I'm hard to deal with," she tells me the same lie she has muttered a handful of times before.

"I wish you'd stop thinking that."

"It's the truth."

Silence engulfs us, but the unspoken conversation still hangs in the air.

"And, you seem perfect," she finally says and it makes me chuckle.

"I'm definitely not."

Lucy pouts, waiting or deliberating, but the way she said "perfect" didn't exactly sound like a compliment.

I frown at her insecurity and take a deep breath, licking my lips before speaking.

"I tend to run away from things," I say. "I don't want to be bothered by a situation that gets difficult... emotionally. I focus on work or study instead, pretend like it's not happening. I hate drama and being stressed about things I can't change," I try to admit my faults but she seems to take it personally.

"What about Jake's death? You have been here for me the whole time."

My eyes flick back and forth between hers, my hand gripping into her thigh a little tighter before I speak sincerely.

"I can't run from you anymore."

A breath pants past her open lips and I swallow hard, the truth in my words making my pulse thump in my ears.

Since the accident I have been urging her to open up, to let me in when I haven't been giving her the same courtesy in return.

Jake's infidelity hangs on my shoulders like a dead weight, heavy enough to shatter everything.