Through The Dark || Harry Styles

2. HARRY

HARRY

He's gone.

I think I'm still in shock because despite being at a funeral, I still can't quite comprehend that it's Jake's

The hard floor I've been sitting on for the past hour is making my legs numb, and that somehow brings me comfort. Nothing about today should feel good.

The service was nice, as nice as it can be, and I'm grateful that there is a day that allows you to mourn and grieve with people who understand the pain you feel. It's reassuring to be around Jake's family, his parents and brother, just being able to hug them and express how sorry I am, makes the suffering seem bearable.

I got the call from Jake's brother the day after it happened, the time difference in San Francisco meant the news came in the early hours of the morning and the moment I saw Hugo's name flashing on my phone, intuition told me something terrible had happened.

I'm used to dealing with emergencies — okay, granted more of the dog and cat variety, but under normal circumstances, I'm ready to deal with what life throws at me.

But not this.

I stumbled through the dark, my hand slapping the wall to try and find the light switch as my mind attempted to process what Hugo had told me.

Jake was dead.

Choking sobs ripped up my throat too quickly for me to prepare for and I stubbed my toe on one of the boxes I was packing the last three years of my life into, getting ready to move back to London.

I sunk down onto the floor, giving up on the lights, and let the news sink in.

Isn't it funny how life can really kick your feet from under you?

'Funny' is not the word... ridiculously fucked up is a better way of putting it.

Memories flooded my mind. We had been inseparable growing up and although now there were oceans between us, he was still the closest thing to a brother I had.

Hugo's voice rang in my ears with the words I never thought I would hear and his poor mum's face flashed before my eyes, before settling on the girl he left behind with his selfish mistake.

Over the past few days, guilt has consumed me, regardless of the fact the rational part of my brain is telling me it's misplaced. I should have been there. I should have told him that he'd had too many beers to drive home. I could have called him a cab, or text Lucy to come and pick him up.

I turn my head to where she sits beside me on the floor of Dr Banks' study. She looks like she died right alongside Jake that night. She smells faintly of gardenia, feminine and fresh, but her long blonde hair that is oily and pulled into a ponytail tells a different story. Her once sparkling blue eyes are lifeless and sunken, there's a run in her stocking, and the smile that usually lights up her entire face is nowhere to be seen.

I don't know her that well, but these silent cues from the girl who is one of those, 'nothing out of place' types, speaks volumes.

I hold the flask of bourbon out again and she takes it without her eyes meeting mine.

At least I never have to see her again after this.

A knock at the door has our heads twisting to address the intruder but neither of us has enough energy to get up.

"Luce? There you are. Honey, everyone's saying goodbye."

The last time I saw Lucy's best friend, Amy, was at the wedding last year. I had drunk myself to the point of stupid and we had to walk down the aisle together. Having sex would have been the obvious choice, and although she hinted throughout the night that an invitation to my hotel room was what she was after, I was not in the state or the mood.

She smiles sympathetically at me from the doorway before attempting to helping her friend up from the floor, but Lucy stands without taking her outstretched hand.

I go to follow her out of the room but Amy pulls on my arm before I can get too far.

"How are you holding up?" she asks as if I haven't seen her all day.

I shrug. "As well as possible, I guess."

"Lucy's..." Her eyes well with tears as her hand covers her mouth. "She's not doing well, Harry. As you can imagine. I've been staying with her for the past few days but I have to go home. I need time to deal with all of this, as well you know? I'm hurting, too. I lost someone, too."

I nod, biting my tongue to stop myself from telling her how ridiculously selfish she is being, and perhaps the only person outside of myself and his family who feels even worse, is the poor girl who is now his widow.

She looks around the empty room and lowers her voice. "Did he tell you?"

I raise an eyebrow, too drained to speak. Amy is animated at the best of times and obnoxiously dramatic at the worst.

"I'm-I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations," I force out. "Bet your mother is thrilled."

The week of Jake's wedding we had all laughed at stories of her very traditional Chinese mother losing sleep over Amy not being married yet. But, today I'm not in the mood for her theatrics. I make a move for the door. The last thing I want to do right now is have a serious conversation about anything other than the fact my best friend just died.

"Harry...it's Jake's."

The breath leaves my lungs in a huff. Perhaps I've drunk too much because suddenly the room starts to spin. I must have heard that wrong.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Amy closes the door with trembling hands before she speaks in a rush.

"Shit, oh god, I thought maybe he told you. About us? I don't know what to do, Harry, I found out six weeks ago. He knew. I thought you knew, too. He was planning on telling Lucy, but now he's-he's... gone, and I-," her sob breaks through her rant but I can barely hear her.

The fury is ringing in my ears.

"You two were having an affair?" I hiss.

"He loved me," she whimpers.

Amy's cries are stifled by her hands covering her mouth and my fists clench at my sides.

I wish Jake was here so I could punch him in the fucking face.

"I think you should leave, Amy," I speak through my gritted teeth, trying not to raise my voice. This is the last thing anyone needs to deal with today, especially Lucy.

A quiet tap at the door has us swirling around, and Lucy's head pops through the small gap before opening it all the way.

"I'm going home. Thanks for being here today," she says politely, barely registering Amy's tear-stained face, and I'm sure she's just mumbled that same sentence at least thirty times between the living room and here.

To my surprise, Amy rushes to her, engulfing her in a snake-like hug that isn't reciprocated.

I don't think I'm hiding the look of disgust on my face well.

"Harry, um, well... good luck with everything," Lucy says softly before taking a step closer and I stand frozen and confused as she reaches up and hugs me awkwardly. She whispers a tiny, "goodbye," in my ear that sounds so sad I swear I feel it in the pit of my stomach.

A/N:

Well... doesn't that throw a spanner in the works!

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Ruby x

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