Through The Dark || Harry Styles

34. HARRY

HARRY

I help my mum wash the dishes with a stupid grin on my face and a hazy heart-shaped cloud blurring my vision.

There's a feeling I get with Lucy, like a giddy, nervous feeling but it's serenely calm all at the same time. My chest feels like it's going to swell out of my chest and there is this fluttering feeling, the most intoxicating kind, that shoots up from somewhere in my belly and settles at the base of my throat. It's like there is something bigger than me trying to get out, something I can't express in words, something that I can't control.

My heart surges when she does the most pointless things. It's not when she smiles or I hear her laugh, but instead, it's when she's doing nothing; the face she makes when she's watching Lola curl up to her, the way she can't say specific and it always comes out pacific, the way that drives the perfectionist in her crazy.

My stomach somersaults when she briefly closes her eyes before taking her first sip of coffee in the morning, the way she rolls her lips into her mouth after each kiss, the way she can never find her keys in her handbag and the little grunt she makes when trying to fish them out.

When I'm with her, I can't get enough. Even when we kiss or fuck or my tongue is buried inside of her, our bodies pulled tight against each other, I'm still not close enough.

I always want another taste, smell the soft skin on her neck as I sleep, hear the sound of her voice when I wake.

I'm completely addicted to more. More of her.

My phone lights up as I'm drying my hands on a tea towel and I casually walk over, expecting to see Lucy's name from a text message begging me to come over sooner or telling me that she misses me as much as I miss her.

"What?" I blurt out as I see the notification of an email sent from Jake's account.

Mum looks over and I try to quell the sick feeling I have sloshing in my stomach, knowing that Lucy was going to be sorting through his work emails and other admin shit today.

There's no subject line, but as I open it I notice that it is addressed to both myself and Amy and I feel like I've been kicked in the guts.

I have to steady myself against the countertop, my knuckles gripping into the side and I can hear my heavy breathing filling the air around me that suddenly feels scarily thin. My pulse is thumping louder and louder in my ears as I read the email with Jake's disgraceful confession that he never had the balls to send or admit face to face - to either of us.

Lucy has sent this. Lucy has read it. She knows everything.

"Holy fuck," I whisper.

"Oh my god," my mum gasps next to me, my obvious distress making her read over my shoulder.

My hands start to shake as my eyes meet my mum's wide glare staring back and I fumble to dial Lucy's number.

No answer.

I try again and run a frustrated hand through my hair, panic rising as I try twice more with a growl each time the call is diverted to her automated message.

I'm practically frantic as I dart around Mum to gather my things to leave.

"Wait, Amy? As in Lucy's maid of honour?" my mum tries to clarify the impossible as she remains shell shocked in the middle of the kitchen with tears in her eyes.

"Yes," I tell her, my own eyes starting to well.

"Oh god," she says feebly and almost to herself.

Fear of Lucy's well being is festering inside of me like a thick black smog as I desperately hit the call button again and almost outwardly sob when it's left unanswered.