She Gives Critiques (CLOSED)

16. Moonstruck Island

Moonstruck Island
Written by: yourpapergirl

Note: I'm no professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either so everything I'm gonna tell here is purely based on my knowledge, and I may have probably missed some flaws but I hope it could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Overall Review:

Hi, thank you so much for your patience! I think I kinda remember some fragments of this story, but since you've removed the other parts, I'm not exactly sure if I remember it right. One thing is for sure though... I remember admiring this piece kasi well-written na rin talaga ang story na 'to. I don't even know why you still visited my shop. You need my help no more, but I'm still glad that you visited 'cause this is really a great piece. Para akong nagbabasa ng isang foreign fantasy novel and it's been a while since I've read a story that really piques my interest.

Nakita ko rin ang pagbabago sa mga pangalan. Lunaverse ito noon, 'di po ba? You've changed it into Lunacian Isles and I can say that I prefer the revised version rather than the first one, which is a good job! It's already a good piece before and you changed it even better. Mahaba man at malalalim ang ilan sa mga salita, agad kong naintindihan ang history na ikinuwento sa Prologue. It is worth reading, I tell you. Baka nga isa na rin po ako sa mag-abang sa story na 'to. Nakaka-curious kung ano'ng mga pwedeng mangyari specifically sa twelve daughters na nabanggit. Parang maraming adventures na magaganap na naghihintay lang na maibahagi sa mga mambabasa, f-in-u-furnish at mas hinuhulma pa para mapaghandaan kung paano i-e-execute isa-isa. You have my support po, Miss Writer. Mas nag-focus ako sa sinasabi ng kuwento at hindi na 'ko naghanap pa ng mali since wala na rin naman pong dapat i-correct.

Sa totoo nga lang, pinag-iisipan ko nga po kung ipo-post ko ba 'to agad o hihintayin ko ang Chapter 1. Gusto ko kasing may masabi pa; gusto kong bumuo ng another comment para sa mga character na ipapakilala mo sa mga susunod na chapter. But then I realized that you've already waited for too long. Alam kong maikli lang itong review ko (which is napaka-unusual), but since I don't have a lot to say at this time, I might keep it real short.

What I can guarantee you is that you have a good narration and has minimal error. I also love the way you tell this story. Your choice of words made it easy to visualize in mind and my imagination's really working this time since you've also inserted some clips that helped me imagine what you want us to visualize. Kahit iyong not-yet-revised parts na hindi ko na-reread ngayon, mangha na 'ko noon pa lang dahil maayos naman talaga ang pagkakagawa. Just always remember to omit using too much ellipses when it is not necessary. Pero roon sa nabasa ko ay okay na naman para sa akin.

So what else should I need to say? Pasensya na kung itong "critique" na 'to ay halos wala sa mga ni-request mo sa form. Bukod sa hindi pa buo ang kuwento, ito lang talaga ang masasabi ko sa ngayon. Just keep up the good work and I hope it would be published into physical book in the near future. And yes po, I'm expecting too much sa story na 'to, but no pressure! Just write it the way it's supposed to be hahaha. And if that really happens in the near future, expect me to buy your book. May future kasi, 'di gaya ko with my crush, as in walang chance, 0%, charot.

Basta ayun, thank you again for waiting and for visiting my shop (Sorry na po talaga kung walang masyadong laman 'tong review). You've got a great stuff in your head, I swear. Just let it flow through your fingers and type 'em all since deserve nito na makilala at mabasa ng iba. Please continue to write and never ever intend to stop writing!

Here's to me hoping for this story's success when the time comes! Thank you again and great work you have there!