A Journey To Motherhood (working title)

Foreword

Hi Reader,

Thank you for picking up this book. This book is a true story. It will be graphic. There might be more information than what you're comfortable receiving. But I want you to know dear reader, this book is not meant for your comfort.

1 in 3 women who get pregnant experience a miscarriage. There's also many different ways to experience a miscarriage. There are times in which women don't know that they miscarry. Some miscarry early, and doctors call it a chemical miscarriage. There are some who miscarry later, and get to hear their baby's heartbeat, only to lose them a few weeks later. There are D&C's, there are births, there are some who miscarry at home, and others who require a trip to an emergency room.

What doesn't change is that the moment a mother knows that they are carrying a new life, their whole perspective in life changes. There's a new light that shines on how life goes. There's a whole new future that gets created. Their bodies prepare to give life. And sometimes, in that preparation, the body realizes that it is not the time, and decides to let the life complete early.

While our bodies know what's best for us. The mind and heart are not so logical that they align with what the body decides. So we grieve. We mourn. We cry. We feel. But as nurturers, we seal these emotions in the depths of the darkness of our bedrooms, our bathrooms, 3am while not being able to sleep. We don't talk about it. Because we know that we grew up being trained to see that one of the highest successes of being a woman is in our ability to transition into motherhood. And when we miscarry, we make it mean that we failed, and in turn, fail as women.

We have been trained to deem failures as "bad things" as well. This further strengthens our resolve to shove and seal these feelings deeper and further, into the pandora's box of our deepest pains. A place we refuse to look at, to access, we only touch this box when another woman confides in us and we hope that maybe our pain can ease hers, and we mourn in silence together.

This story is mine. It includes the stories of many other women like me. From all different walks of life. Who have gone through similar grief. When I went through this I somehow made the choice to tackle this head on. Inside of that I spoke frankly about what happened. Very straightforward. "I'm sorry I'm not myself. You see, I recently miscarried. So I'm dealing with that." That simple phrase gave room to suddenly a whole new conversation that didn't exist for me before. Many of my closest friends and acquaintances suddenly shared their experiences, either personally or by proxy, and in that we shared each other's grief, and suddenly both of our loads were lighter, and we walked away from our interactions having processed a little more of this grief.

These conversations opened my eyes to how many people carry this experience as a burden, a stone weighing heavy on their hearts forever. No one talks about it. I mean what could you say?

I ran into people who wanted to help and didn't know how. I also ran into people who said things that unknowingly drove the knives of the pain further. Knowing these people personally, I knew that their flippant, dismissive comments really came from a lack of understanding of what the experience was like. I knew that if they were aware of the additional pain they kept piling on that they probably would take back the comments they would nonchalantly say. Frankly, I would never wish such an experience on anyone, and was able to pull some comfort in that fact and give them the grace to speak their peace and move on.

I decided to write this book for 2 reasons. The first is to educate. I watched so many people feel torn and fumble through attempts of understanding and how I wished that they could appropriately help. Without going through it yourself, its almost impossible. I figured a book would come close to illustrating enough to create an understanding to at least start the conversation in the right direction. The second, is to provide an outlet. No longer will the women I know also carry these burdens for themselves, in the silence of their solitude. In sharing our stories we get peace, and we get healing. Healing comes from understanding. While I could never take away these experiences from these women, I hope that they will at least find peace and completion in the ability to share their stories freely and without judgement.

It is with these intentions that I write this story. I wanted to make it uncomfortably graphic and emotional. I intend to pull out as much as I can out of myself to really make it vivid for everyone. So that should you, or someone you know and/or love, goes through something like this, you can understand a bit more. You can provide grace, understanding, compassion, and love. This is grief, written. This is love, expressed. These thoughts, feelings, emotions, are all human.

To you, mother, that have gone through this yourself. I hope you find yourself recreated, and understood. Our journeys may not have looked exactly the same, but our pain is mutual. And I'm so sorry that this is one of your experiences. May you heal and move forward and find peace, and may this book help.

Thank you for going on this journey with me. See you on the other side!