A Journey To Motherhood (working title)

Chapter 2

1 week before

I was so happy.

Walking home from a long day in the office. I felt the fatigue that now came quickly due to the new life growing inside me. My footsteps were soft in the fuzzy boots I switched in to after taking off my heels and putting them in my backpack.

I felt at ease. It was time.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I promptly burst into tears. I had had the time to process all the crazy emotions that first come in with that discovery. Joy. Elation. Confusion. Panic. Anxiety. Thrill. Love. So much love.

I went through a brief phase where I wondered what life was going to be like now. I had grown accustomed to certain level of comfort in my lifestyle. I prided myself in taking the time to be in shape, to have a career, extracurricular activities, a social life. My appearance matched my confidence. For a second there, I thought I was together.

And then the test read positive.

It dawned on me that there was a whole new life now in front of me. A whole new me that was going to be born with this new life. Gone were the days of perfectly planned schedules, outfits, smooth transitions from suits to training tights, and easy nights of sleep. No longer politely accepting the compliments that came with pretending to be superwoman doing it all. I was about to turn into a wreck.

I looked. I pondered. I saw the anxiety briefly come and pass. And then, I felt the warmth of excitement.

Yes. All that was about to change. But you know what? I'm ready.

Ambitious me was ready for the new challenge. Motherhood. What was it going to be like? Will I pull everything off? Will I not? Will my interests change and shift? Is it true what they say about falling in love with this new little life? Or will I become a frazzled mess that resents their offspring?

Who cares, I was ready. I wanted to discover what I looked like as a mom.

I pulled into the parking garage, the fatigue creeping in further. I still smiled though, I was looking forward to seeing my husband and my dogs, and all of this was just the process of transitioning into what was next.

Motherhood. Growth. New challenges. New conversations. A new adventure.

I loved adventures. I felt blessed to have traveled and experienced so much before this happened. I kept thinking to myself excitedly. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm so ready.

I placed myself in space with my husband where I knew I was the most comfortable. We chit chatted about our days. Vented our frustrations and shared our triumphs. We giggled at thoughts of what our kids would be like, imagined what this one would be like. The tv was on in the background with our favorite tv show but we barely paid attention to it. We were wrapped up in our little daydream world in talks about homes in suburbs, adorably mischievous toddlers, and graying hairs.

Eventually we dozed off on the couch. His arm wrapped around mine. Both exhausted from working so hard, satisfied with the progress we were making. This was how it was supposed to be going. Everything is on track. My mind drifted off into dreams of the future before it faded into the black of a deep sleep.

...

I think that was the last happy memory I had of this pregnancy.