A collection of short stories centering around a kid named Sammy and a few of his friends, not so good friends, and straight up enemies. It's 50% simple vibes, and 50% teenage angst.
I didn't know what I was doing when I wrote this, and a lot of the...
There once was a very poor man. This was an issue for him because he really wanted that cheddar. Not that he wanted money to have just sitting around in a vault somewhere, oh no, He had plans for this money. Big plans... Big plans involving lots of soap... which, though you may think you want to know more, is really all you actually want to know. Trust me. I know things . . . I've seen things you can only imagine . . .
No matter how dreadful his intentions for this money, he was determined to get it, and would not be stopped by silly little things like codes of conduct or morals. Fortunately for him, he not only had a plan for the money once he got it, he also had a plan for how to get it. A smart plan.
On a lovely day in December he got up, ate his breakfast of penguin eggs accompanied with a steaming mug of the tears of endangered pandas, carefully combed his few remaining wisps of graying hair over his balding scalp, and set out to find himself a naive child. Soon he came upon a sweet looking little boy wearing a tophat and bowtie and picking daisies by the roadside.
"Helloooooo little boy! Would you spare a moment to help a poor old man?" Putting on every guise of a kindly aging gentleman the sneaky chap smiled a twinkly smile at the little boy, hoping his plan of deception would be effective. It was indeed effective, for the little boy had no suspicion of deceit. Quickly the young boy agreed to assist the old man. "You see, I have this problem because I was going to the store, and forgot all my money at home. Will you kindly fetch it for me?"
The old man had not been misled in his assumption of the boy's intense naivety. In fact, he might have underestimated it. The little boy smiled a huge smile and said: "Of course! Where do you live?"
"Right there," the man gestured toward a prominent building along the main road. It was prominent both because it was built completely out of marble and because it toward high above the other less majestic buildings on either side of it.
"Why does it say 'Bank' on it???"
"Oh that's quite simple and has a totally truthful reason that is not at all a lie. It's um . . . it's because . . . my last name is Bank . . ." The old man was, of course, lying through his shiny teeth. He was much too poor to own such a grand property and his last name was not even close to Bank. However, the little boy was still young enough to believe in the goodness of mankind, and was satisfied with this completely unsatisfactory answer.
Suddenly the old man became very focused and intense and he leaned closer and in an almost whisper said, "Okay, here's the plan: go through the back, break down the fifth door you come to, disable all the alarms, take out the guard dogs, grab as much money as you can and go. LET'S ROB THIS BANK!!!!" This last part he yelled triumphantly for all the world to hear, which at the moment was only the little boy and Sheri the librarian who was walking her dog across the street. The little boy was clearly concerned, but only for a moment, as the old man quickly recovered by yelling, "I mean. . . LET'S GET MY MONEY!!!!" This was enough to calm any suspicions the little boy had of the old man's nefarious intentions, but Sheri (the librarian across the street walking her dog) was not quite certain the old man was completely innocent.
Filled with pure good-will and sunshine, the little boy ran up to the beautiful building, went through the back, broke down the fifth door he came to, somehow managed to disable the alarms, and calmed the guard dogs with treats and his winning personality. Following the old man's instructions he grabbed as much money as his little arms could hold, and ran back to deliver the goods to the old man who was patiently waiting behind a bush. Just as the sweet little boy was handing the moolah to the old man however, there was a sudden puff of heroic glitter and Policeman Percy appeared.
Aviators perched upon his face to communicate his obvious dominance, he chewed judiciously on his cigarette (unlit, because Percy is always a good example for the youths) he declared, "This money is confiscated and you're going to jail." Unfortunately for the sweet little boy, the old man was still concealed by the shrubbery, safely escaping Policeman Percy's administration of justice, so Percy thought it was a one man stunt, and the little boy received all of the punishment for the wrongdoing that had been done. Unfortunately for the evil old man, he received none of that good old cheddar.
There once was a very poor man . . .
The end. (For now)
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