Since Always

15

Ming's POV

I was laughing with my friends when one of my senior said something that caught my attention.

"Isn't it Pha?" P' Bright asked.

Then P' Forth called him to check if it was really Phana.

I saw at his direction. I knew it was Phana immediately. How could I forget when he was the only thing on my mind for the past week.

I was bloody mad at Phana. How could he casually ask Yo to have lunch with him when he knew I was about to get him to have lunch.

Yes, I was so jealous of Yo. Phana was always restless and nervous around me. But he would act casual even smile and laugh whenever he was with anyone but me.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I felt like Phana enjoyed playing with my heart. I knew it was a long journey to even get him to like me back, whilst I had already felt this far about him.

I was head over heels in love with Phana. I missed him like crazy when I was supposed to hate him for playing with my feelings. I wished I could stay mad at him.

After being called by P' Forth, he turned back and waved at us. Well, to my senior to be precised, not to me.

Phana walked to us. When I finally got to see his face, I saw his eyes were slightly red. He looked like he just cried. And he looked like he had lost some weight. My heart tightened as I imagined Phana was crying. I wanted to put a fist or two at whoever made him shed tears.

Nobody but me noticed Phana's red eyes. I thought I could notice right away because he was all I saw. And he was all I thought about.

I heard Phana told P' Forth and his gang as to why he was at the beach. Turned out the trip of Moon and Star was held at the same beach as SOTUS'.

He then said he was a little tired after the long drive here. I saw him walking away.

I really wanted to ask whether he was okay. And who made him cried earlier. But it hurt to have him turning away from me everytime I came close to him. And I didn't like the idea of me being the nuisance for him.

So I stayed away. I thought it was the best thing I could offer, giving him time and space to think, to breathe, to relax. And a little part of me wished he would think of me too, sometimes. Or better, he would miss me too.

I had vowed to myself that I would give all of my self to him. And I wished he would do the same too. But I thought it was too much to ask. Afterall, I was the one in love with him. Not the other way around.

Some said, the more you love the more fragile you became. It was honestly the truest thing I had ever heard. Phana held such power towards my mind, my body, and my heart. Whatever Phana did, whatever happened to him, would affect me.

Tonight was the end of SOTUS. The seniors would give us a gear bracelet, symbolized engineering student's heart. If an engineering student gave his gear bracelet to someone, it would only mean one thing: he was asking you to take care of his heart.

I wanted Phana to take care of my heart too. But he had only been playing with my feelings so far. Could I trust my heart to him?

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Phana's POV

I thought seeing Ming would lift up the heavy feelings I had been enduring for the past week. But why I felt more depressed?

He looked fine without me. Heck, he could even laugh! It was supposedly a good thing right? He was moving on with his life.

Why I didn't like it when I clearly saw I didn't matter to Ming like he mattered to me? How come I could be this selfish? I was never like this.