D e l i g h l a :
I've been troubled by the thoughts of my boys and David all day. I miss my boys so much but I figure this break- what I keep reassuring myself this is- is only temporary. I know it's going to take time for me to forgive them and put everything together but the fact that I had been completely vulnerable and naive enough to let that happen seemed to hit me somewhere I never even knew existed.
Have I always been this naive, this vulnerable?
I know David is somewhere near but I don't think it's exactly here in Jamestown. I know Mel said something about me having to go back into school like the rest of them and try to finish off my education. There's only one High School here and when there's a Football or Lacrosse game the team has to travel to the next town. I'm guessing in one of the small towns not so far from here that's where David is.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I suddenly felt nervousness envelope me. It felt like something inside of me ignited like a fire and it made my insides tingle; a mere chill slowly slithering it's way down my spine taking me by surprise and causing my body to shiver. If there was anyone I feared most, it was David. Was it him, or was it the fact that last time I had crossed paths with him I was accompanied by whom I thought was my best friend.
I felt angry towards David because he had to be playing some sort of mind game with me. It doesn't make sense. Why would Emily sound so.. evil? Nothing made sense anymore. I couldn't tell right from left and it bothered me that I had been brought into this immortal and supernatural life without my approval.
We had shopped for hours, mainly because Melody insisted I had unnecessary essentials and clothes I was sure were way too expensive for anyone to buy. Although most the time was spent by me arguing with Danny because I refused to let him pay for the things I got today especially since he spent well over $500 on me. It made me feel guilty and I immediately felt the need to pay him back. He talked me out of it but the guilt was still evident.
"Ligh, do ya still want to go to the show?" Mel asked while sipping on her cherry coke and leaning into Austin. He was combing his fingers through her fiery red hair, the both of them sitting across from Danny and I. She had brought up going to the movies in the dressing room of a department store that I cant remember the name of.
I popped a Cinnabon Delight in my mouth and thought about it. If we go to the show, we can watch a scary movie. If we don't, then what? I guess I could catch up on my sleep again. It feels like with every breath I take a tenth of my energy is sucked out of me and by the end of the day, I feel like I'm in my 90's.
"Mm,-" I swallowed and smiled. "-what're our film options if we go to the show?"
"How 'bout a horror film?" Danny smirked at Melody in a challenging way only for her to return the look.
"Hah, you're on." She growled and took another sip of her soda.
Smiling, I looked down at my new iPhone 5s. It was nice of Danny to buy me my phone and it made me smile knowing he's taking care of me but it also made me upset. I'm not trying to take advantage of anyone and I don't want it to seem like I'm with him because he has money. I clear my throat to make those thoughts float away to another land.
I swipe my index finger across the screen and go to iTunes. I've never gone a day without music but surprisingly I've been doing really good. I haven't even thought about music till right now. I plug my headphones in and put one in my ear so I can hear what's going on aside from my music. As I'm scrolling through all the recent Top Hits it feels like I've been hit by a bus. If not a bus, then a train. Tears instantly spring to my eyes and I stand up from the table. "Hey guys, I'll-Ill be back. I need to go to the ladies room." I stumble a little over my words with my back turned to them.
When I hear Mel reply with an 'alright' I nearly ran to the bathroom. The bathroom smelt citrusy and had a vibrant white glow, indicating it's recently been cleaned. I looked around in the stalls and noticed no one was in the room with me so I turned towards the door and locked it. I quickly pressed play on the album and let the tears flow freely down my face like doves being let out of a rusty cage that imprisoned them and kept them from flying gracefully and elegantly into the viciously entangling sky.
I had to let everything out.
N i a l l :
"You have to move on."
"We'll say she was with that David kid and ran away. Didn't look back or even think of you."
"The press will believe anything at this point and we need to tell them something Niall."
"She's just another girl, if you miss her that bad then turn another random girl at one of your upcoming concerts."
No one understood. The boys tried talking management out of making me lie to the press but management wouldn't take no for an answer.
How do you just forget about someone like that? You don't. Thats exactly it.
I was tired of everyone telling me what to do when it came to her. It made me sick to my stomach that they were quick to just leave and let go of everything.
I've not only given everyone a cold shoulder but i've just lost it. I haven't shown much emotion in the time that shes been gone and by now i'm too drained to even show the slightest. It gets too hard for me and i've began to tear my insides apart. Unable to handle it, i've been handling large amounts of alcohol each night faithfully in return of that numb feeling that I am accustomed to be a prisoner of.
Its gone. Everything's gone and theres nothing anyone can do about it.
