Black

XXXII // Feelings Are Cancelled From Now On

Monday

February 16, 1978

The Library

I've decided that perhaps one of the wisest things I have ever come up with is, 'When in doubt, owl my mum.' For example:  

Dearest Evie,

Thank you darling for writing me back - it's been ever so long since I heard from you! I am glad to hear you and that Remus fellow have broken up - it sounded like he was a good friend but I don't think he is the best boyfriend for you!

I'm sorry to hear about Sirius reading your diary. I am sure that he meant well with his affection, but I do believe it is reasonable for you to be upset with him for reading your personal information. Do let him know from me that I am upset with him, and that I will no longer be sending him brownies for the time being. 

On another note, your father has taken to gardening with renewed vigour, even after I told him that it's too cold to plant anything, but he is pushing through to build a flower garden ready for spring!

Mrs Morrison from my baking club says to say hello, and that she's terribly disappointed you're still attending that private school off in Scotland, and that her sister's son Bernard is recently single. I informed her, in no uncertain terms, that she was very kind but you would not be interested. She asked me to send a photo of him in this letter to make sure, but I threw it into the bin only after she left - I don't want her to stop sending me her coffee cake, after all!

Hopefully you will be able to come home in the next holidays as your father and I miss you terribly. Please bring all of your friends with you as well, as we would be glad for the company of young people. 

All my love,

Mum.

Even my own mother is disappointed in the recent turn of events. I mean, who wouldn't be? 

Honestly, I don't really feel like writing about it. I mean I got the whole story out a couple of days ago, but I've been putting off writing anything else down because I feel a bit like you betrayed me, you know? Like if I hadn't had a diary in the first place then a specific person that I don't want to mention wouldn't have read it, and then my heart and head wouldn't be the jumble of thoughts and feelings that they are. 

So I'm only writing in you now because it makes me feel better, and I can't think clearly about things unless I'm writing them down. 

Let's address the positives, shall we? Two days ago was February 14th. I was caught up in a whole lot of thoughts and feelings so I didn't really mention it, but Hogwarts always likes to go a bit psycho for holidays, and Valentine's Day was no exception. 

Dumbledore created a series of howlers that work as singing telegrams, which was fun, especially when James and Lily started a competition to see who could send each other the most annoying telegram. Lily still wasn't talking to me then, but she is now. 

I guess I'm not really talking to her though, or anyone, not since Saturday night.

But enough of that, I don't really want to write about it either. I'm hoping that if I sweep my emotions under the rug then I won't have to deal with them. It seems to be working so far!

Oh, thank Merlin, here comes Isadora James. 

Never thought I'd ever say that, but hey, desperate times, you know? 

It actually looks like she's coming over to talk to me, which is weird, because in what situation would Isadora ever come over to talk to me, you know? It's very unlike her.