midnight thoughts

Fuck

It has been a damn while since I've been here.

Last time I was on here, I was in middle school getting ready to move on to high school. Now I'm graduating next year.

Wow how I have changed.
Not in a bad way I suppose?

I decided to redownload this app because I remembered this little book and now I'm back on here for about 2 days.

A little life update:
-I've come out as bi
-I'm a junior in high school
-I'm still in band
-I've got some of the same friends from middle school but I've gained a hell lot of new ones that mean the world to me
-I've matured but I'm not mature yet if you know what I mean
-I've got diagnosed depression and severe anxiety
-My head currently hurts
-oh and I learned the ukulele

So as a whole, I'm a mess :)

Anyway, I've learned some lessons about myself and about life since I've last typed a chapter of this book and it's honestly shaped me to who I am today. Here's some of them:

As a friend/partner, you are not someone's therapist, you cannot help them but you can be there for them. You can hold them and listen whenever they need to vent. But do not try and help them. That's what therapists are for.
- All of freshmen year, I surrounded myself with people with depression and huge problems in life that I couldn't comprehend. I tried to help them and solve their problems and it took an emotional turn on my mental health. Currently I am no longer friends with most of these people or I try to distance myself from them which has helped a lot.

No one is going to remember the embarrassing thing you did 6 weeks ago
-I definitely still struggle with this one. I casually embarrass myself a lot, for the people that know me, you know.

You are not going to have the normal high school experience
-I'm about almost done with high school and honestly sometimes I realize that I'm never going to go to a football game and stand in the student section with my friends wearing all purple and scream at the top of my lungs for a sucky football team. I'm never going to go to a high school party and get stupid drunk and do something really stupid that I'm gonna regret later. (I mean I probably will ngl). But I have to realize soon that not every high school experience is the same and that's ok.

Things that have changed my life in the past two years:
Regiment
Friends
My body and stupid ass brain
Girls

I just hope two years from now I'll be exactly how I want to be with the body I want, a relationship I want, and a life I want.
Two years from now I'll be in college so hopefully I've gotten it all figured out :)

Lol this chapter is basically a bunch of things I've thrown out of my head in the past hour. Thanks for coming to this update and Ted talk. Maybe I'll come back in a couple years.