A Piece of Me (Tracob)

Day three

"Jacob. Jacob, wake up."

I jerk awake too quickly and nearly slip out of my chair, disoriented.

"Shit, ow, what?" I look up. Troye is sitting up in bed. He looks as tired as what is now usual, but fully awake and alert. "You're up," I sigh, a knot in my chest undoing itself. "Good. Good, God that's...I'm glad."

Troye musses his hair. "What time is it?"

I glance at the watch. "It's...7am, what the hell."

I find the time shift extremely disorienting. I fell asleep in this chair at maybe nine o'clock last night after sitting here for hours with Troye, waiting for him to wake up. I guess I gave up.

"And yesterday? It's foggy. I was tired." Troye tilts his head, as if he's trying to recall.

I look over at him. "I don't know. You were sort of out of it all day. I called the doctor. Nurse told me it was normal so... you're okay."

That's not really the whole truth, but I don't want to alarm him. Not when he actually looks properly awake for once.

"Are you...hungry?" I suggest. "I can make breakfast."

Troye seems to tense up a bit. "I can make myself something."

"No, it's okay, I was going to make something anyways, don't worry about it."

"I want to make myself something. I can do that, can't I?" His voice has a sharp edge to it.

"Sure. Yeah, of course. You can make yourself something."

Secretly, the thought of him trying to balance on his crutches in the kitchen is stressful to say the least, but at least he's wanting to do things today. That's better than yesterday.

I help him stand up and grab his crutches, as he insists on walking on his own today, and I don't want to annoy him, so I just follow him worriedly and watch as he struggles to make himself a piece of toast.

I just want to reach out and tell him I can help him and it's okay, but Troye... he's independent. He hates feeling like he needs help. He hates being tied down to anyone. Of course he loves me and he loves our relationship, but it's different. We love each other but we don't physically depend on each other and I know he hates that feeling.

When I met him he was reluctant to let me in, and reluctant to ask for help or let himself be vulnerable. He was recently broken up and he'd been on the road on and off for years. It had taught him to depend on himself because he was the only person he was consistently with.

I've always thought I fell in love with him first, but it doesn't matter. Someone had to do it.

I was just... completely enamored with him from the beginning. I saw this brilliant, funny, sociable person, with the face of an angel and a profound gift for music that he was using to make these amazing songs that left me in awe.

But I also saw someone who was sort of lonely and maybe a little closed off. 20 is young, and he was shooting up to fame far faster than I think anyone expected.

That was the hardest part, I think. The fame. The attention. Even as we started to become a thing, there were moments that I was sure we wouldn't make it. There was a lot of pulling away and coming back in the beginning.

"It's not the right time. We can't do this, I can't do this. Too much is happening, I can't do this." Troye would say and then he would come back the next day and break down because he wanted it.