My Mind

Chapter Four: She's not whom I believed she is.

I drop to the floor. Unable to move, to speak. Im completely numb and stood within place. I finally have the strength to get up. Finally have the courage to look at my phone. I open it, and there it is. I quickly get out of it. Not wishing to see it. I hop in the shower to hopefully relax and clear my head. As music is playing in the background, my mind starts flooding. Thinking about my mom, my dad, my best friend Ari. As I get out of the shower, I see that I have a missed call from Ari. I must have been in my thoughts that I didnt hear my phone ring. I see that I also have a bunch of messages from her saying that the video is a complete lie and that none of it is true. Ari goes on to explain that it was when they were dating. She has the old footage herself with the actual date on there. Ari sends me the video and although I dont want to see it, I make myself see it anyways. And shes right.

She facetimes me and we talk for a little bit. Out of nowhere I see that Daniel has sent me a message, so I tell Ari.

Hey, Ari?

Yeah?

Daniel just messaged me on Instagram. Should I look at it?

She gives me this surprised look and yells, Of course!

I go straight to the message and Ari is asking me a bunch of questions about what he said, and I havent even gotten to the message. I chuckle and say to Ari, Hold on. I havent even gotten to the message yet. Give me a minute to get to it. I laugh.

I get out of facetime and click on Daniels message. As Im reading it, I literally cannot believe what Im reading. It is not at all who I expected this from, let alone the message.

Lisa?? Hello?? You still there?? What did he say?? Ari asks me with such concerned, worried, and curious tone of voice.

He said, and I quote,

Dear Lisa,

The video isnt what you think it is. I mean, yes. Me and Ari are making out. But to this day, I have no idea who took the video and why. Im going to be honest. Yes, me and Ari had our ups and downs and whatever Ari told you about me is probably true. But I promise you that I did not mean to hurt your best friend. I mean, I tried everything to get that video down and there was literally nothing I could do. And Im sorry that I hurt her. Im going to be honest; I surprisingly have a crush on you. Yes. The big lacrosse star has a crush on a girl that always has her nose stuck on a book. And thats not a bad thing. I promise. Ive honestly just always had a crush on you for as long as I can remember, and I have no idea. If you dont mind, tomorrow morning I would love to talk to her and ask you a question that I would much feel comfortable asking in person. Sounds good? I also want to say that I completely understand if you wish not to speak to me due to the video and whatever Ari has told you about me. But I have changed. I swear on my heart and hope to Ari that shell beat my ass if she knows Im not telling the truth. Lol. Anyways, goodnight. Hope to see you tomorrow morning at the clock tower. Sweet Dreams.

After some time, I didnt hear anything on Aris side. Nothing at all. Which is abnormal. Suddenly, our video chat is cut off and I am left wondering why she ended the call. I texted her asking her if she is all right, but no reply. Throughout the night I am left speechless of the fact that Ari basically ghosted me, and because Daniel messaged me.

My alarm goes off and I am still awake. I have not slept because Im nervous about today and am beyond curious as to what happened to my best friend. As I lay in bed for a few minutes, I force myself out of bed and get myself ready. Because I didnt sleep last night. I am just going to throw on my favorite t-shirt and leggings and put my hair into a messy bun. I make myself coffee and leave the house.

As I get nearer and nearer to school, I get more and more anxious. I also get this sudden feeling that something bad is going to happen today. Something that Ill be broken over, and that terrifies me. Terrifies me to death. I park the car in my normal parking lot and a breath in and out slowly. Trying to calm myself down and ease the anxiety attack that came out of nowhere. Has I tried to ease my breathing, I see Daniels car, but as well as sees Aris car. I finally get the courage to get out of my car and head to the clock tower, wondering why in the hell Ari is even here this early in the morning.

As Im walking towards the clock tower, I notice two people standing there. I hear them yelling and my anxiety turns into a panic attack. I know exactly who they are, and I hide myself behind the clock tower. Right where they wont see me.

What do you mean you have always had a thing for her?! I hear Ari yell.

I have always liked Lisa. She was real. She always has been, and unlike you, shes not fake! Daniel yells back.

Well at least I dont cheat on other females, and I truly believe its not best for you to date my best friend. Its for her own good!

For HER own good? I believe its for YOUR own good.

Next thing I hear is a smack and footsteps running away. I look and Daniel is rubbing his cheek. Ari is nowhere in sight. Without knowing my feet move. As soon as I take that first step, Daniel looks me in the eyes, and there for a moment, it seemed like it was just us. He realizes and he leaves the gaze and grabs his bag and goes towards the gate and I am left standing there alone at the clock tower.

As I head to English, which is going to be interesting due to Daniel and Ari being in that class, my mind begins to wonder what the heck happened and why they were even here at school that early. I walk into class and Daniel and Ari are both nowhere to be found. I look at my phone to see if either of them has at least messaged me and I see absolutely nothing from them, and I begin to worry.

The rest of the day flies by and I have not seen Daniel or Ari all day. As I head to my car, Brandon is there. Waiting for me. I look around for Ari but shes nowhere to be found. I give Brandon a questioning look. Before I get to ask him why hes even waiting for me, he says, I know youre probably worried about Ari and Daniel. Daniel told me everything that happened this morning. Im not trying to do anything to you, I promise, and you must believe me. But Daniel wanted me to tell you that he lied to you last night. He didnt want to tell you in person because he was ashamed of himself. He knew you wouldnt look at him the same way and hes deeply sorry. He also just cant message you because he didnt want to live with that shame of lying to you. Im sorry. He walks away and Im beyond pissed and wondering what the hell Brandon meant by that.

I get in the car and I really start to question everything. I try to call Ari, but it goes straight to voicemail. I message Daniel, but he just leaves me on read. Ok, this is just crazy and weird. I start my car and as I look in my rear mirror, I see Daniel. I get out and look at him and as he realizes that I am looking at him. He hurries to his truck. I get back in my car and I drive to Aris house. Knowing she probably has something to do with this.

I pull up to Aris driveway and her car is here. Good. I call her multiple times. I facetime her one more time and she answers. Ari! What the hell?! What happened this morning?? Are you driving Daniel away from me?? I mean. What the hell?? Are you trying to control who I date? Are you I ramble and asks a bunch of questions. Ari interrupts, I wanted to see Daniel. I wanted to confront him about his feelings towards you. He started to say that he had always had feelings towards you since Kindergarten and I got upset. Probably was out of line, but I got mad. I asked him if he had feelings for you when we were dating, and he said yes. He didnt lie to me, but I was so mad at him that he would just throw away our time together and would just not worry or think about how I would feel about you two. Earlier today I messaged him and told him to not speak to you and to tell you that he lied about what he said. Im sorry, but I also told him about your moms passing. At that moment. I hang up our facetime. I quickly back up out of her driveway and drive straight home.

As Im on my way home, my phone keeps ringing and I know its Ari. I quickly put my phone on silent and I shut it off completely. I start to wonder who the hell Ari is. If she was truly my best friend, or was she just a lesson that needed to be learned? All these questions start to fill my head and I suddenly get this urge to cry. I get to my house; I grab my belongings out of the car and walk myself inside to my room. I sit on my bed and I just bawl my eyes out.

I wish my mom was here, to comfort me. To tell me what to do in this situation. Do I turn away from Daniel? Do I forgive him? Do I forgive Ari? Or do I turn away from Ari? Im left with all these questions and they are all but answered.

I crawl myself into a ball on my bed and I just cry myself to sleep.