My Mind

Introduction

It all happened so fast. The not knowing is what scares me the most. My mind is running back and forth as I'm walking away from him. Wondering if this is the best decision for my life, if he thinks the same. He had me, to the core. He had my heart and it felt all so right. I turned around, with tears on my face. He stares at me, and I just simply imagined him running to me, with open arms. He grabs me and kisses me hard in the rain. Sadly, that's not what happens. Instead I look at him as he stares at me, in disbelief and damaged. Yet, he did this all to himself. He just played me. I slowly turn back around. Ready to be brave, and ready to move on. I give out the biggest sigh I have ever made. As I start taking the first few steps into my future without him, I hear the running footsteps of the one and only. I run, knowing I can try my hardest to outrun him, but it's no use. He grabs my arm for me to turn around, but I refuse to look at him. He grabs my face and forcefully makes me look at him. I look at him in the eyes, telling him to leave me and never look back. I try to get out of his grasp. I beat him on his chest vigorously. He won't budge and he just hugs me. I start bawling my eyes out and my knees give out and I just fall to the ground. He then grabs my face and looks me in the eyes, and says, "I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to hurt you again. I promise." "Ok." I say, knowing he's going to do it again. Knowing I'm just going to fall for him all over again. Anxiety fills my body, as does fear. Fear of the unknown.

I wake up, practically drenched in sweat. I look to my right and he's there. Sound asleep. I walk towards the bathroom and wash my face with cold water. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the hell that was about. Did it happen? Or was it just a dream that only I wished not to be in? Confusion runs over me and I know I'm not going back to bed anytime soon. I look at the time and it's only 3 in the morning. I switch the light off in the bathroom and go into my office, open my laptop and just start typing away. Start writing.