Nowhere To Run

10 - i almost do

It had come to his knowledge that the wedding will be held on the estate they were in. The venue was luxurious beyond Beam's imagination. Something that seemed royal and regal yet he didn't feel at ease.

He sighed. He should be impressed.

He couldn't recognize himself. The stylist had done a perfect job in making him look wedding worthy.

When he was finally alone, Beam stood in front of the floor to ceiling mirror in his room. He turned around and check if every little detail was alright. He sat down on bed facing his reflection.

Shame. He would've made a perfect groom if only the circumstances was different. If only this was a wedding he wanted. Beam couldn't feel any pinch of excitement or cheerfulness, not even hope. Only anxiousness and helplessness is what he is right now. He feels like he is about to seal his fate. He just wanted to get it over and sleep. Sleep for a very long time and maybe wake up when the ceremony is done.

The cushion on the bed that he was sitting on was tempting.

He stared at his reflection again. Beam forced a smile. It didn't look right. He tried again. It still doesn't look like a smile. Beam smiled and smiled until his cheeks are hurting and his eyes are teary.

Why can't I smile? Forth told me to smile. I mustn't disappoint him. I should look happy. I should.. I'm.. I am not happy. I'm not happy.

There was a knock and the door opened to reveal his younger brother and parents. Beam immediately wiped the tears that was forming in his eyes.

"Are you.. Of course you're not okay. We shouldn't have agreed to this." His mother said hysterically.

"Ma I'm f-fine. I'm okay. Just nervous, that's all." He said.

I'm terrified.

His brother obviously wanted to say something but he didn't instead he complimented Beam on how dashing he looks in the white suit.

The piano had started playing as Beam walked outside with both his parents on his side.

Everyone stood up. Unfamiliar faces, Beam wished Pha and Kit was here. He can only imagine how they would react if they knew.

He looked ahead, Forth was standing from a distance with a minister. Behind them was a view of the vast ocean. It made Beam smile, he can hear the waves crashing over and over again. He wonders how it would feel if he could just dive in the warm water.

The warmth of the sun caressed his skin. Flowers of white was everywhere. This may be one of the most beautiful wedding that so many had dreamed of, this was Beam's nightmare.

Before he knew it they were already at the end and his parent's had placed his hand with Forth's.

Everything went by like a blur. He had tuned out whatever sound was around him except the sound of the waves. Beam was staring at the deep blue ocean. He could see sailboats miles from where they stood. How freeing it must be if he could just get on it and sail away.

He felt a nudged on his side.

"Do you take this man as your husband?"

He had lost track of time in his own mind.

All eyes on Beam as he stood frozen. Every breath stopped to await his answer.

The man beside Beam looked at him with a sinister smile, mocking him. Beam wants to run but he can't feel his legs anymore.

His throat tightens and his heart starts racing.

"I.."

'No Beam. Don't do this to yourself. You can still escape this.'

Or so he thought.

"..do."

"Do you promise to honor, cherish and protect him forever?"

Beam shut his eyes tight and a tear fell.

"I d-do.."

The minister then proceeded to ask Forth who was more than eager to answer. The rings were blessed and was handed to them. Beam's hands were shaking so much that he feared the ring may slipped away on his palm.

Forth turned towards him. He looked at Beam with a warm reassuring smile. For a moment Beam saw the old Forth. The Forth that he loved.

"I, Forth Jaturapoom take you, Beam Baramee as my husband. In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joy and sorrow, and I promise my eternal love to you. And with this ring, I am yours for as long as we both shall live."

Forth slipped the ring encrusted with diamonds that shines against the sunlight on his finger. Beam's mind was at the edge of nervousness, he tried but he can't seem to remember his vows.

"I.. Beam Baramee.. t-take you, F-forth Jaturapoom as my.. as my h-husband. In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joy and in sorrow. And with this ring, I.. I promise to l-love you and to.. to always come back to you in this life and the next."

He placed the ring on Forth's finger.

The minister had instructed them to remain holding each other's hands as he continued on the next part of the ceremony.

"These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family."

Forth..

"These are that hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness."

Beam felt a gentle squeeze on his hand. A tear fell and cascaded down his cheeks.

"These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy."

Forth..

Forth carefully wiped his tear away. Beam could hear the crowd in adorement from the gesture.

Forth..

Are you happy now?

"These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times."

Beam remembered the night Forth's hand was on his neck. He remembered how tight it was, how rough it was against his skin. Then he recalled the night when they first kissed, intoxicated with alcohol. He can feel the gentleness of his palm on his shoulders. He remembers how Forth would intertwine their hands and wouldn't let go for hours. He remembers it all.

A closing prayer and a few messages to finish the ceremony was done and the kiss was announced to complete it.

Forth leaned in and kissed Beam, before he can respond it had ended abruptly.

Shouts and cheers erupted. Amongst the noise and celebration, Beam saw his family. His parents wearing a sad smile and both teary eyed.

Beam was dragged by the hand into the roaring crowd.

He looked back at the ocean.

It was so near and yet it seemed out of his reach.

It seemed so far away..