The Princess, The Knight, and The Monster

Part Three

I waited months for the crush to die out. I endured Elliott’s puppy dog stares and his attempts to reconcile each day, no matter how much it burned, all with the final destination in mind; indifference.

I hadn’t expected Elliott to reach the destination before I did.

We stood in the same circle for the first co-ed practice in two weeks, kicking the ball around to each other. He’d spent the past few minutes telling jokes and I’d spent the past ten minutes trying hard not to laugh and failing. It wasn’t until the last joke that he’d met my eye and all I could see was a show of cold, blatant indifference. He was trying so hard to be aloof but I wasn’t convinced. I was feeling the same way. 

Suddenly, I couldn’t pretend or wait anymore. Explanations were born and brought to their death at the tip of my tongue. My heart slowed to a painful throbbing as I held his gaze, willing it to tell him what I couldn’t, hoping my own memories could be revealed. He seemed to want to say something as he leaned towards me with a somber expression, before he smiled bitterly and walked away. I never took my eyes off him as he did.

Why couldn’t he understand? I didn’t owe him anything … right? If that was my truth, why did it taste so bitter?

I’m better off alone anyway, I determined as I stalked to the opposite side of the field. No one can touch me when I’m alone. No one can hurt me.

“I’m not feeling good. Can I head home for the day, Coach Nelson?” I’d made it through an hour of practice. Coach Nelson was surprisingly compliant. I needed no more encouragement. I ran for the bleachers, gathered my things and ran even harder for the lockers. I could make out Elliott’s figure lounging around the entrance. I pumped my feet faster. Maybe if I ran fast enough, I’d blur past him. I couldn’t help but look at Elliott as I passed him nor could I help the sudden onset of tears as we made eye contact. 

“I’m sorry.” His words followed me as I staggered into the gym and came to a jolting stop. I turned to look over my shoulder and found no one behind me. I was prepared to begin sprinting when the gym doors clicked open and he appeared. He didn’t move from the doors as he repeated his words. I’m sorry.

“For everything. Can I explain— after practice?” he said.

“Yes.” I agreed before disappearing into the tunnel. His words echoed behind me. “Why are you running?”

Why did everything have to turn out this way? I continued to question myself as I sat on the dirty tunnel floor after changing, listening to the ticking of the clock directly overhead. Why couldn’t life be easier, why did Silas have to hit me, why did he drive the car off the road and cause us to crash, why did the glass go through my arm, why, why, why? No answer felt good enough.

I wanted the fairytale and the fantasy. I just didn’t know what either one entailed. If good grades, a home, decent clothes and food weren’t the fairytale, what was? I couldn’t stop thinking about my dinner with Elliott and the fantasies we discussed. Isn’t that what Elliott wanted? The house, the nice job, the stability. I wanted the complete opposite, beginning with running away from it all.

“His name is Silas Evans.” I tested out the confession, barely above a murmur. I tested it out again, louder this time. I said it again and again, each time with a glance around the tunnel to make sure I was truly alone. On the seventh confession, I heard a reply.

“I know.” I didn’t have to look up to know it was him. 

“The people in this damn school talk too much.” He offered his own unique brand of condolence. I took it.

“They’re supposed to think it was just a car accident.”

“It was, in a way.” Elliott sat down beside me. “Listen, Lola…I’m sorry.  I freaked you out and I didn’t mean to do it. I got too close and then asked too much…”