The Princess, The Knight, and The Monster

Part Four

All A’s. Early admission into my dream university. I’d gotten the dream guy. Most of all, we’d managed to make it through six months of our final year in high school.

My best friend Mina reminded me of this checklist as we made it to Art History. She stopped at the door and sighed as we caught a glance of Elliott jogging down the hall to meet me. “You are so damn lucky, Lola.” She shook her head and entered into class. I waited behind for Elliott. We embraced and kissed twice.

“Coming to the game tonight?” Elliott double checked our plans. Still in his arms, I threw my head back and groaned. I hit him softly in the shoulder, but my laughter gave away my faux annoyance.

“Did I not tell you I was coming?” I asked him. Elliott sheepishly smiled. “Hey,” I suddenly became serious. “You’re going to do great. You’re going to win.” I reminded him. His body loosened against mine, but his eyes were still downcast and as they raised to look at mine, they were unsure.

I ran through Elliott’s checklist in my mind. All A’s. Full-ride athletic scholarship to his dream school, conveniently just an hour away from mine. Got the dream girl.

“It’s just an exhibition game,” he said repeatedly. “Uncle is … ” He shook his head. “They’re not helping. I wasn’t concentrating at practice at home last night. He got a damn whip out. Not enough to scar or—”

“Okay.” I stopped him. I didn’t want to have this conversation in the hallway, even if the nearest ear was a meter away. “I could say we shouldn’t care but … we know that’s bullshit. So … just … ” I never knew what to say in these moments. “I’ll be there.” I managed. “No matter what happens.”

That seemed to be enough. We shared another kiss before Elliott walked away. He turned and returned back to me to whisper, “Same.” He held my gaze and I knew he was still talking about that night at the bowling alley, but I still wasn’t ready. We separated and disappeared into our respective classes.

I made my way to my seat in the third row, second to last. I slumped down and threw my head back with my neck bent over the cold metal. I replayed the happiest moments of the past seven months, of which there were many, until the final bell rang, and I was walking to my car and driving to Elmhurst Field for the game.

The game didn’t start until six, but I was there by three. As I sat in the stands, all I could think was, ‘three months.’ Three more months left of school. Prom was next month but Elliott and I had decided to skip the affair for something better; a night out in the city by ourselves, doing what we wanted to do. Looming over both of us was the terrifying prospect of leaving everything behind. We’d gotten everything we wanted, so why were we both so scared?

I hadn’t been able to get Silas off my mind after that run in at the bowling alley. His words still taunted me, and his deceitful smile had imprinted on my mind. I missed when I’d crafted Silas into the perfect, unhuman monster in my mind. Now, I’d been reminded he was still flesh and bones.

The truth of the matter was, there was a part of me that didn’t want to leave the city, my family, and even Silas behind. There was a painful familiarity to all of it and I’d made a nice home in the midst of all that. Going away to a new city and a new school, with scars I’d have to hide and secrets I’d have to keep and an environment to assimilate to terrified me. I didn’t know if I could do it all again.

I glanced down at the field, following Elliott’s movements intently. From what he told me, Elliott didn’t want to start over and hide his painful truths either. He didn’t want to fail.

I smiled to myself at my thoughts. What are you doing, Lola? I asked myself. I should be telling Elliott all this. I should’ve told him about the nightmares and panic attacks but there was never a good moment; big tests, big games, family issues, there was always something between us. There were too many good moments as well; fun dates, long nights, silly moments in class.