A Heart To Heal (BL)

CH 9.1 - Mirror Mirror (PA)

Trigger Warning: Mentions of low self-esteem, bodily harm

Yuto stared at the photos that he took with Nagisa at his class' photo booth. He grunted and threw the blanket over himself in frustration. "I look disgusting,". Ever since he was degraded and sexually assaulted by Takaba, his low self esteem plummeted even more. He would cook their meals but hole himself up in a dark room afterwards. He couldn't possibly bear to have anyone looking at him.

It had come to Nagisa's attention that Yuto had gone back to being depressive and to say that he was worried would be an understatement. Sure he had always been, but it had never been this bad.

The more Yuto dwelled on it, the more he felt sick with himself.

'Ugh..how could Nagi be wasting his love on someone like this...?'.

Other than his dark cold room, he didn't want to be anywhere else. As much as he wanted to be snuggled up in Nagisa's room, not even the lingering scent of his partner made him feel at peace. As someone who didn't have much self-confidence to begin with, being degraded like that diminished the little self esteem he had. He didn't want to be seen by anyone.

In fact, it had been four days since Nagisa had touched him and it made him feel more lonesome even though he was the one who screamed at him to stay away. Nagisa on the other hand was worried that he really had scared Yuto. He had been trying to hug him and kiss him once he got home like he usually did but Yuto would push him and apologise, asking him to stay away. 'I wonder what nonsense that kid is bottling up now,'.

Peering into the mirror, all Yuto could see was a slim body covered in battle scars. Feeling disgusted with his own self image, he pulled the blanket off his bed and covered his shoulders with it.

"God, I look so disgusting,".

Blotches of yellow and purple along with scratchy red lines. Those covered his body as a result from the abuse he suffered in his childhood. The more he looked at them, the more he felt like crumpling to the ground.

You could see the marks that his family gave him. Scars from being abused with a kitchen knife. Red ribbons around his thighs. Not even Nagisa's gentle smile could repair them. "There really is nothing appealing about this. This looks scary. This is ugly."

"But what can I do about it?".

Falling to his knees, he limply punched the mirror.

"What can I do about it when this is who I am?".

.

.

.

Their house was pin-drop silent when Nagisa arrived home from work. Usually Yuto would be busy in the kitchen or sleeping while waiting for him on the sofa or even taking care of the plants on their deck but it had been four days since he locked himself up in his room. He was quite worried. The dining table had food that was wrapped in cling wrap. "Dinner for you. I'm not hungry,"said the post-it note on the film.

Pulling his coat off, Nagisa sat down and slumped his head on the dining table. 'How do you expect me to be able to stomach anything when you're suffering like this?'. He didn't really know how to deal with Yuto being like this so he decided that he had to call another fellow teenager to get some hopefully valuable advice.

"Nako-chan? Are you free?"He whispered and the girl on the other side of the phone replied. "Aniki, what's wrong?? You almost never call..". There was rushing on the other side of the phone and Hitomi's voice could be heard. "Ahh! Aniki! Are you okay? Why are you calling?". Nagisa's lips curved into a small smile.