Let Me Down Slowly (Kamado Tanjirou x Agatsuma Zenitsu from Demon Slayer)

Part 7: Nothing is Better Sometimes

The moon was at the peak of the sky, shining brightly as the crickets sang the song of the night. Tanjirou was searching about for Zenitsu. He scoured the dorms, the training hall, hell, he even went back to the garden to check for Zenitsu. But he was nowhere to be found.

At least, until Tanjirou saw a bunch of scattered flower petals on the ground, as if forming a path. He had a hunch and followed the petals until it stopped at the edge of a large pond. On the opposite side, he could see a blonde boy sitting on the green grass, his face obscured by the darkness. Tanjirou rushed to Zenitsu's side but slowed his pace when he got near.

He didn't say anything when he approached Zenitsu. He sat down and leaned to see Zenitsu's face. Zenitsu wasn't crying.

"Sorry." Zenitsu was the first one who spoke up. His hands rustled the grass as he twirled a strand on his finger. "I... I ruined the party."

"No... it wasn't you," Tanjirou responded, he frowned, remembering what occurred just a few moments ago. "It was Mako's fault, not yours."

"She wasn't to blame. If I were her, I would feel pretty disgusted seeing a demon attending a party." Zenitsu's voice was rasp and thick. He clenched the grass, ripping it from the ground. The sound it made caught Tanjirou's attention. "Especially a demon slayer's party."

Upon seeing this, Tanjirou gripped Zenitsu's fists, causing Zenitsu to slowly open his palm to reveal several crushed green strands then scattered it to the ground. "Don't say that." Tanjirou tried to reassure Zenitsu and placed a strand of the yellow hair that covered Zenitsu's face to the back of his ear.

Zenitsu turned to face Tanjirou. The raven-haired boy flashed a smile, but Zenitsu's pout didn't change. "I feel terrible," He croaked, his voice trembling even though he tried so hard to suppress his feelings. "For making you argue for me, and for making Aoi feel angry."

"But you're not angry at Mako?"

"No. I feel bad about you guys and that includes Mako too, I guess. But I wasn't sad about what she said." Zenitsu was apologetic. He can't be concerned by what Mako said. After all, it was Zenitsu that made them fight. He was to blame for everything, wasn't he?

"Zenitsu?"

"I mean- I guess it's fine. You know, like, that's, uh." Zenitsu stumbled around his words. His heart sunk, and he trailed his eyes to the deep blue pond. He took a deep breath and covered his mouth. "Like, that's not untrue- what Nako- I mean, Mako said."

Tanjirou didn't respond, but he knew it. How Zenitsu felt back then and right now. He slid closer to Zenitsu.

"Mako was right."
Zenitsu's eyes stung.

"I mean, I'm a demon, so it's kinda my fault."
His throat tightened.

"So, like, it's not bothering me..."
His arm shivered.

"It's not bothering me at all," Zenitsu said quietly, trying to convince himself. He took a deep breath and turned to gaze at Tanjirou. But a single glance of his face made Zenitsu lose it. Hot tears suddenly flowed from his eyes. His face burning up, causing him to wipe all the tears away to no avail.

"I... I wish I was fine!" Zenitsu gasped, each pause he made turned into a hiccup. He hated crying. It made him feel ridiculous. He just wanted all this to stop. "But I'm not. I'm just not fine. Ever."

Tanjirou didn't say a thing, but instead, he pulled Zenitsu to an embrace. He shushed him, stroking Zenitsu's hair softly.

"I never asked for this!" Zenitsu sobbed, clutching and grasping Tanjirou's kimono, almost ripping it with his nails. He lost all control of his own body. He wanted it all to stop- the trembling, the crying, the hiccuping. But he couldn't. And it made him feel pathetic.

"I didn't even know who turned me into a demon!" He cried, pushing himself tighter to Tanjirou's body, almost suffocating.

He remembered how it felt being a demon for the first time. How the world spun around him as his head felt like it was going to crack open. How torturous it felt suppressing his hunger only to be given a single drop of blood. How every time he passed someone they gave him the nastiest glare. He hated being a demon. But he hated himself more for allowing himself to be one.

"And the worst part is, could only drag you down- drag everyone down!" He exclaimed, his tears wetting Tanjirou's kimono. But Tanjirou didn't mind. He continued to fondle Zenitsu's hair.

Eventually, the two parted. Zenitsu stared weakly at Tanjirou, his face red and tears were still streaming down his face. Tanjirou wiped the tears away with the sleeves of his kimono and his lips curled into a concerned smile.

"I hate it," Zenitsu's cried again. His lips trembled and he gripped Tanjirou's sleeves tightly. "I hate being a demon."

"I'm so sorry, Zenitsu." Tanjirou's gaze was both apologetic and concerned. He didn't know what to say. His friend was in front of him, bawling his eyes out, and Tanjirou couldn't even comfort him? It was frustrating. Tanjirou stroked Zenitsu's cheeks, though it only made the blonde cry harder.

Zenitsu leaned into Tanjirou's chest, holding him tight as to not let go. Tanjirou swayed his hands on Zenitsu's hair back and forth. Zenitsu screamed and hiccuped into Tanjirou's chest, "Because of me, people hate you!" Zenitsu admitted.

Tanjirou wasn't surprised, instead, he shushed Zenitsu, trying to calm him down. "Why do you think so?"

"Because... Because... I could hear them whispering about you...!" He sobbed again, feeling guilty of everything he had ever done. "About how you're a demon lover or something- always traveling around with a demon..."

"Let them hate me, I don't care." Tanjirou's tone was gentle and soothing. "I just don't want anyone making you feel worthless."

Zenitsu opened his mouth in protest but the only thing he could muster was a hiccup and a whimper. He rested his head on Tanjirou's chest, silently sniffling every few seconds.

"Sorry... and thank you," Zenitsu sobbed. The two stayed like that for what it felt like an eternity before Zenitsu's hiccups slowly turned into light snores.

"I'm sorry, Zenitsu. For making you feel this way."

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author's note :

nobody :
me : i will dedicate an entire chapter to zenitsu crying