Voices Numb: Zayn Malik

Chapter 18.

ZAYN’S POV:

We were all a blubbering wet mess (Wow that sounded wrong in my head!). Louis had walked into Cole’s room just as I was finishing the letter she had written to me. He knew immediately that something was wrong.

It has now been four hours and I still haven’t said a word to any of them. They took it in turns reading Cole’s letters. Louis was first continuously mumbling to himself “She didn’t tell me…”; “so much more…” and many more along the same lines.

Liam was similar to Louis, both struggling to read through the tears. She told them. She told them both, two strangers who she just met and she didn’t tell you. I could tell by their reactions that Cole had not told them everything; and most defiantly had not told them about being pregnant.

Harry took the letter of Liam before it was too ruined with tear stains and his face fell ashen as he got further and further into the story. Niall… My poor blonde boy. Some things affect him more than others; it’s because he cares so much. He couldn’t finish reading it the first time, or even the second. It took him three attempts to read the letter through his red eyes and gulping sobs.

It wasn’t until everyone was finished that I realised we had each read it in our head; no-one able enough to say the unspeakable words out loud. We have been sitting in silence for the past 4 hours and I know if someone doesn’t make a move soon we won’t move all night.

It was Harry that stood up first. “Zayn, why didn’t you tell us?”

I glanced at him and then returned my stare to the blank white wall beside the door. “Zayn, answer me.” Harry’s voice was raising an octave each word spoken.

Again I said nothing; I couldn’t bring myself to talk. “ZAYN, FUCKING ANSWER ME! WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL US? WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HER?”

Harry was now screaming at me; the boy who didn’t curse. I smirked inwardly at my thought. Louis jumped up to put a hand on Harry’s shoulder; a feeble attempt to calm him down.

“ZAYN, SHE WAS YOUR FUCKING FRIEND, HOW COULD YOU NOT DO SOMETHING?”

He moved towards me shaking my shoulders, “SAY SOMETHING!”

“I LOVE HER!”

I stood up pushing Harry away from me and shouted louder than he had. “What do you want me to fucking say?” I sunk back down to me spot against the wall and began to cry. “She didn’t tell me anything,” Harry moved forward and enveloped me in a hug causing all the others to move forward as well.

“Eat one more, C’mon please.” I opened my mouth less than an inch for Niall to shove one last spoonful of soup into my mouth.

It has been four days since Cole left and I’m completely at loss to where she would have gone. I have racked every inch of my brain to clues but none; not a measly clue. The boys and I had split up to search every hotel in London, but that had also produced no results. Maybe she went to Austin’s… The thought had frequently crossed my mind; never the less it was no help. Even if that is where she went I didn’t know where he lived to check.

I have scarcely been eating; barely been sleeping and hardly talking. Liam has suggested that I write all my feelings down in a diary to help me work out just exactly what I’m feeling and to being to cope with these feelings. I’m being to think he is right; as usual. I rummaged through my desk draw and can’t really find anything good enough to write in. Maybe I should go to the shops and buy one.

I glanced at the bedside clock; it read 1:15 am. Too early! The whole house was silent, asleep. I squirmed my way out of bed silently and began walking downstairs. I made it to the front door, I have no-where to go, nobody to see. Lately it feels as if something is missing in this house. It’s Cole.