Helpless Feeling (Frerard)

Chapter 4

"It's getting better. I think. I don't know.. I don't feel so.. alone anymore," Brendon said with a small side smile at Ryan. I felt warmth spread over my chest. I loved hearing that Brendon was getting better. As the room clapped, Ryan gave Brendon's knee an appreciative squeeze.

"Thank you Brendon for sharing," the group leader, Ethan, said. I rolled my eyes at the sound of his voice. I really didn't like being here and he seemed to make it worse. "I know being here for so long can become very stressful, especially if you're not seeing any improvements. I can guarantee that most of you are making a lot of progress. Our programs do work."

I didn't hold back a scoff from leaving my mouth. Ethan's eyes glared into me as he added. "As long as you cooperate, you can get better and be discharged." I heard Brendon giggling beside me. Ethan huffed in annoyance. "Does anyone want to speak next?"

He looked back to the circle. I turned to see Frank raising his hand. Ethan's frown switch to a smile. "Yeah, Frank." He sat up in his chair and scanned the others. His eyes lingered a little longer on mine before moving to the person beside me. When he looked at everyone, he turned his attention to the tile floor in front of his shoes.

"Um.. I'm not really sure how to start these things."

"That's alright. You just say whatever you'd like."

"Alright, um, well.. I'm pretty new here to this level? I just um.." I watched his eyes flicker up to mine before dropping back down. "There was someone I knew and they were having a hard time... I would've done just about anything for them, but they refused to let me in or anyone in really. Well, I had a dream and I was watching them fall. I was screaming and trying to help them, but I had no voice and then they were gone. There was nothing left, only darkness around me."

"And what do you think that dream was trying to tell you?" I swear I saw Frank roll his eyes. Glad to know he feels the same way about Ethan. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't know. Feels like no matter how hard I try, there's no way I can help that person."

"How does that make you feel?" It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Well, I'm not going to let a dream decide what I want to do. If someone needs help, I'm gonna help him the best way I can." His eyes moved back to mine. "No matter how long it takes to get through to him."

I felt a nudge on my leg. I turned to and saw Pete wagging his eyebrows at me. I tilted my head in confusion and he gave a subtle nod toward Frank. I moved and hit his leg with the side of my own. He chuckled and leaned in to my ear.

"Be anymore obvious why don't you." I whacked his side with my arm causing him to let out another laugh mixed with a grunt.

"Pete?" We turned to an irritated looking Ethan. "Would you like to say something?"

"No, sir," Pete replied sarcastically with a grin.

"Then keep quiet."

"Yes, sir," he answered mockingly with a salute. I chuckled at his action.

"Gerard," Ethan's voice had more impatience. "Why don't you share." 

"I'm good," I replied with a smirk. Everyone knew I never shared.

"I wasn't asking." I watched the others move closer to the edge of their seats. I frowned and felt an unhealthy amount of anger start to form in my stomach. The edges of my vision began to blur. I tried blinking it away. "We're waiting," his voice clearly showing his annoyance.

No, please. Not now.

How dare he.

My fists clenched at my sides and I shit my eyes tightly. I wished the voice to leave me alone. I didn't want anyone to see me if I blacked out. Luckily, no one's been in the same room when I blacked out in the hospital. With this many people here now, who knew who I could hurt. My blood roared in my ears. My breathing was as quick as my pounding heart.