Helpless Feeling (Frerard)

Chapter 3

"Gerard." My hands slipped out of my hair and dangled at my sides. I kept my body forward not wanting to turn to face who was at the door. My eyes shut tightly as I focused on slowing my labored breathing. The sound of rocks crunching caused slight panic to rise in me.

It didn't take long for the crunching to stop behind me. My body trembled at the caution radiating from the body behind me. I felt as fragile and damaged as the voice had worked to make me. For the first time, I felt like I truly belonged in this hospital.

"Gerard?" My legs buckled beneath me causing my body to collapse. A pair of strong arms wrapped around me, not stopping me from falling, but following me down to the ground slowly. "It's okay."

I looked up to meet Frank's hazel eyes. Tears filled my own and decorated my cheeks. He continued soothing me the best he could. I wanted nothing more than to push him away and hide behind the wall I worked so hard to build, but all my energy was drained.

I didn't feel like running anymore. I've been running from this problem, from the truth, too long. I'm not okay. It ate me up to know a patient was the first to be there and witness my defeat.

"Are you okay?" I pulled away, wiping my tears.

"Yeah," I lied with a sniff. I slowly stood on wobbly legs. He followed my movement, ready to catch me if I fell. I gave him a tight smile and took a step back. He kept a suspicious eye on me.

When I felt more tears forming, I turned quickly and began walking toward the door. My steps were fast and slower steps sounded from behind me. My hand dropped the door knob and gave a harsh pull. My heart beat faster when it didn't move.

Frantically, I continued jerking at the door, failing to get it open. Tears fell faster down my face. My free hand began banging at the door, hoping someone from the other side could hear. I cried out for help as the pain I've bottled up began consuming me.

"Please!" My voice grew desperate as I repeated the plea, not completely certain if it was for the door to be opened anymore. My banging weakened and my voice went hoarse from yelling. "Please." Sobs left my quivering lip and my forehead pressed against the door. My hand rested on the door, fingers fruitlessly tapping the metal. "Ple-ase..," I choked out.

When I felt an arm around me, I pulled away quickly, wrapping my own arms around myself protectively.

"Gerard, it's okay." I kept my head down as I shook it side to side slowly. "Yes it is, Gerard." I felt him attempt to wrap his arms around me again. I tried pushing him away, but he held me securely. My sobs got louder and my efforts went soft.

I fell apart against him. His hand moved over my back soothingly. I clenched the front of his shirt and let out tortured cries while he assured me it was okay to feel this way.

"Just let it all out... I've got you... You're alright..." My tears slowed until they finally stopped. When my body was no longer shaking, Frank pulled back enough to look down at me. "Are you okay?" I nodded against his chest. "Let's go inside, yeah?"

Hesitantly, I nodded again and he pulled me to my feet. He turned to the door. With my head hanging low, I saw his hand reach out and push the door open. He kept a protective arm around me. When we exited the stairwell on my floor, I heard people racing towards us. I immediately shrunk into Frank's embrace.

"It's alright, I got him." I felt his chest vibrate when he spoke.

"But Frank."

"I got him," Frank said in a more authoritative voice. When there was no more arguing, he led me to my room. It wasn't long before Frank laid us both in bed. The covers were pulled over my body. My eyes closed when his fingers ran through my hair.