Tonight

Epilogue: Memories

It was the day 2 of Jungkook's funeral proceedings - the day where visitors could pay their respects to the him and his family.

Seokjin arrived at the Jeon household dressed in a suit and tie. The ensemble made him feel stuffy and uncomfortable, but he wanted to show respect to Jungkook and his family, no matter how much he didn't understand them. He was thankful when Ms. Lee gave him the call about the funeral arrangements, but also wary. The Jeon's wanted to speak with Seokjin today and he was nervous.

Seokjin knocked on the door, palms sweating from nerves. An older woman dressed in black greeted him. Her face was drawn and her eyes were swollen from crying.

"Hi. I'm Seokjin Kim... Are you Mrs. Jeon?" Seokjin asked. The woman shook her head and silently led him into the home.

The house opened up into a foyer and then straight on was the living room. A black curtain, hiding Jungkook's body from view, was arranged at the back of the room. White chrysanthemum arrangements were on either side of the black curtain, a large smiling photograph of Jungkook in the center. Seokjin's breath hitched in his throat upon seeing the picture. The room felt thick and suffocating due to the smell of the flowers and incense being constantly burned. If the incense didn't make the room feel claustrophobic, the multitude of people did. The house was packed with people, a lot of them Seokjin's age. A long line meandered through the rooms that led to the curtain. At the beginning of the line, he could glimpse a man and a woman standing next to the photo of Jungkook - it was his parents.

The woman led him to the end of the line and walked away into the throng of people, leaving Seokjin alone with his thoughts. He watched the Jeon's carefully as he waited to finally meet them. The anger he felt towards them had long dissipated after Jungkook's death. He no longer felt numb, but he still felt too tired for any emotion other than sadness. It was like a heavy blanket on him now.

The line moved slowly and with every moment he inches closer, he became more nervous. He couldn't fathom why. The hard part, witnessing his good friend die before him, was over. The important part that made up Jungkook was gone and all that was left was his corporeal shell. He still didn't feel ready to face that photograph or Jungkook's parents.

Finally, he was at the beginning of the line. He still felt unprepared.

Mr. and Mrs. Jeon couldn't have looked more like opposites. Mr. Jeon was a large man, tall and fit. Mrs. Jeon was a small, frail looking woman. Both were wearing dark clothing and both had a black ribbon tied around their wrist. Normally, it's customary for the eldest son to wear the ceremonious ribbon for 100 days after the funeral, but this was obviously not a normal funeral circumstance. Seokjin also noticed the make-up stains on Mr, Jeon's shirt where many young women made the bold move to hug him for comfort, leaving behind a stain of their pain.

Seokjin lit a stick of incense, bowed twice to Jungkook and then once to Jungkook's parents to show his respect and condolences. Tears burned in his eyes, but he blinked them back.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. and Mrs. Jeon..." Seokjin's voice cracked as he spoke, but he felt no shame or embarrassment.

"Thank you..." Mr. Jeon said, waiting for Seokjin to introduce himself.

"Seokjin Kim."

Recognition spread across their faces and Mrs. Jeon immediately burst into tears. Mr. Jeon wrapped a comforting arm around his wife and said, "Thank you for being with our son when he..." Mr. Jeon swallowed, unable to say the words.

Seokjin nodded, a tear rolling down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away.

"I should have been there... I'm a terrible mother..." Mrs. Jeon sobbed into her husband's shirt, leaving her own makeup stain with the others.

"We were trying to find a someone that could help him, dear. We did all we could..."

Seokjin's stomach bottomed out and he felt embarrassed. The Jeon's hadn't abandoned their son. They were looking for a way to save him. Seokjin let his tears flow freely now, despite the looks he was getting from others, he couldn't keep a stoic face any longer.

"D-did he s-suffer?" Mrs. Jeon asked, breath hitching.

"No, ma'am."

"Ms. Lee said you took good care of him."

"I did my best," Seokjin patted the tears off of his cheeks. "Jungkook was really special."

The Jeon's nodded together. Mrs. Jeon removed herself from her husband's grasp and took Seokjin by the hands. "Please, tell me everything you did with him. I want to know if he was happy."

Seokjin allowed himself to be led to a couch in a different room, away from the crowd.

He told Mrs. Jeon about the first time he and Jungkook had met, about how he had been so demanding about being pushed around by Seokjin. He told Mrs. Jeon about his birthday and playing video games with him. He told her about the hot days during the summer where they would sit outside and read. He told her about the artwork that Jungkook created for him. He reminisced about how Jungkook would talk out of the side of his mouth sometimes and how big his eyes would get when he became excited. Seokjin told her about Jungkook's final moments - how he had felt the life leave him. He needed to tell someone about it. The experience was too painful and intense to keep it all to himself.

"You really loved him, didn't you." Mrs. Jeon finally said. Her tears had long since subsided and her gaze was rapt with Seokjin's stories about her son.

"I did..." Seokjin said. "I don't know that I will ever have another friend like Jungkook in my life... I'm glad I met him."

"Thank you... for everything..." Mrs. Jeon wrapped her arms around Seokjin.