Scars to Your Beautiful (the 100 fanfic)

Chapter 32 - The Pauna Express

A feeling of dread settled in the pit of my stomach as we rode. The closer we got, the worse it felt as the sun began setting and the shadows grew longer. To say that I was worried was an understatement. According to the rider who had sent for me, they had disappeared shortly after an early afternoon break from the war meeting. They also weren't the only ones missing. No one had seen a general by the name of Quint or the Skaikru guard who had been assigned to protect Clarke. I couldn't imagine what could happen if something were to happen to Lexa. Not just what would happen to the Coalition or this war, but I wasn't sure that I could handle losing another person I had come to care greatly about.

We were nearing Tondc when pain erupted across my body. I couldn't help the scream that escaped my lips when it felt like something was ripping my left shoulder apart. Before the scream died, sharp stabbing pain blazed across my torso and I felt my gorge rise.

I threw the reins down, ground tying Arthos, and fell to the ground barely keeping my feet. I made it two steps before I lost the little bit of control I had and proceeded to vomit violently. The entire time, the pain never lessened and seemed to drive my body to expel everything I hadn't digested.

Between flashes of pain, my mind tried to comprehend what was happening to me, but I couldn't rationally come up with an explanation. At the same time, Lexa was in the forefront of my thoughts. It was then, as soon as my focus turned to her, that I knew. I knew the pain came from her but it seemed that it was more than her.

As my heaves lessened and I could bring in fresh air, I leaned back on my knees and turned my focus fully onto what I was feeling. In the background, I could hear Abby trying to draw my attention, but in the moment, I couldn't spare her a thought. Now, that my mind had caught up to my body, the pain became dull and throbbing much like I'd expect during bad weather. I could feel my bond with Lexa which meant that she was close. I felt fear, pain, acceptance, and...giddiness? That didn't make sense, but the giddiness felt foreign. And even more strangely, it seemed to come from myself, but not myself.

I wanted to question it further, but I reminded myself that there was something much more important. Refocusing again on the bond, I felt a pull. It was as if Lexa and I were connected with a rope and she was tugging on it incessantly to let me know where she was. The pull was leading me deeper into the forest and away from Tondc. I somehow knew that if I followed it, I would find her and maybe Clarke, too. Except that I couldn't. Not right at that moment. I needed to get Abby to Nyko so that they could prepare in case they were injured.

As soon as I made that decision, the pain built again making me groan and drop my head. Breathing through it, I ignored what I wanted to do, what my instincts were demanding me to do, and turned my attention to what I needed to do. I needed to get Abby to Tondc and then I could search for them. That seemed to bring me some peace and I felt like I could finally stand.

Heaving myself up on unsteady feet, I walked back over to Arthos and grabbed the water skin off my saddle. I ignored Abby as I cleaned my mouth and guzzled the rest down. I tied it back up and looked up at Abby. She was looking at me wide-eyed in fear.

As calmly as I could, "I'm alright, Dr. Griffin. I'm sorry for frightening you. If you could scoot closer to the saddle horn, I can get up behind you."

"What the hell just happened? Were you attacked," she demanded as she moved forward.

I gathered the reins and held them up to her. She took them loosely in her hands and watched me carefully. With a grunt, I mounted behind her and reaching around, took the reins from her.

Once we started moving again, I answered, "I must have overdone it in the training pits." Big lie. "Arthos probably stepped on something and it jostled my chest. I'll be fine, Dr. Griffin."

I kicked Arthos lightly and he picked up his pace until we were just a little slower than a gallop. It kept Abby from saying anything besides a squeal as she leaned more heavily into me. I moved my left arm to hold her more securely against me and ignored the pain that was coming in waves.

The further we rode away from that spot, the giddiness seemed to turn to desperation and I was becoming agitated as we continued. By the time the lit torches let us know we were nearing the gate to Tondc, I was practically vibrating with the need to head into the forest.

I only slowed down enough so that we wouldn't crash into the gates and only stopped when we were outside Nyko's. I hopped down from Arthos and reaching up, helped Abby down. She let out a groan and held onto me until she could stand on her own. As soon as she let go, I unhooked our bags from the saddle and handed Arthos off to one of the guards who had followed. With a nod of thanks, I led Abby inside.

Nyko looked up in surprise, "Rook, the rider found you?"

I nodded, ignoring the look of surprise on Abby's face. I guess, she hadn't gotten the memo of who I really was.

"Sha, any news," I asked as I laid the bags on the table.

Answering in Gonasleng, "Before the search party called it for the night, they found the remains of the Skaikru guard and possibly Quint."

"Why are they still not searching," I snapped in anger.

"They did not want to chance running into pauna, Rook," he replied calmly. "It was still roaring as night came."

I paced the open space, "That is unacceptable, Nyko." I stopped and turned to him, fire in my eyes and the need to leave building to a crescendo. "I'll head out myself and look for them. I need a bag with medical supplies. Bandages, alcohol, water, something for pain, and anything else I can do in the field."

"Is that wise? You should wait until morning when the others can join you," he entreated.

I shook my head vehemently, "I cannot, Naikou. There is this great need to find them. Find her! I will not be able to rest until I do."

He stepped closer and dropped his voice, "Is this..."

"Sha. I know I have much to explain, but I am connected to Leksa. I am in pain with her pain and...something else. I cannot explain it. So, beja, get me a bag ready. I will leave a trail for the searchers to find us in the morning. Just hurry!"

"Alright. Alright, little one," he said and moved to gather what I would need.

I started pacing again to try and relieve the tension and agitation that was thrumming through my body. It only took a few moments, but it felt like a lifetime to me before it was ready.

Abby came up to me holding something folded, "I didn't understand what you were saying, but you're going to look for them tonight?"

"I am," I nodded.

"Take these," she said, holding what was in her hand out. "They're cloth stretchers. You just need to cut poles to fit the length. They also act like thermal blankets. It'll keep them warm until you can bring them back to us."

I took them, "Mochof, Dr. Griffin. I'll bring them back. I'll bring Clarke back. I swear."

She gave me a small smile, "I know you will, Rook. We need to talk when you get back."

I nodded and stuffed the cloths into the bag Nyko handed over. With a last look, I was out the door and grabbed a torch at the gate. I let the watch know which direction I was heading and that I would leave a trail for the searchers. Once I knew that they would obey me, I took off at a jog and let the bond pull me towards Lexa. All the while, the desperation eased and the strange giddiness began taking over once more.

Whatever I was heading towards, a part of me was looking forward to whatever I was going to find. The rest of me wasn't so sure that I wanted to know what it was.