Scars to Your Beautiful (the 100 fanfic)

Chapter 37 - Lexa Awakens

In desperate measures I felt myself claw to the surface of wakefulness. A chance to breathe deep came to a stuttering halt as pain lanced through my chest, a loud groan escaped unsolicited from my throat and past grimacing lips. A startled grunt and muffled curse reached my ears as I breathed shallowly through my nose to ride out the pain. Then the sound of furs being moved and the thumping sound of bare feet moved closer to me. I cracked my eyes open slowly to reveal a blurry dimness above me. I blinked rapidly as my eyes teared, cleaning the vestiges of slumber, and the wooden beams of a hut came into focus.

The sound of a chair scraping and a sigh made me turn my head and my vision was filled with a smiling Rook, but a Rook who still showed signs of worry in her eyes. I smiled seeing her and held back a chuckle as I took in her disheveled appearance. Some of her braids were coming undone, the hair escaping in all manner giving her a wild look. Her face still bore the effects of little sleep, smudges appearing beneath her eyes and muscles slightly tense in an effort to combat how tired she still must be.

"Hei," she spoke quietly and reached up tentatively as if to stroke my face.

I reached up tiredly and took her hand to lay against my face and watched as she relaxed even more so. When I felt her hand touch me, I felt as if a flame had been ignited and flared to settle as if I was sitting in front of a hearth with a fire warming my entire being. I felt comfort and peace. She felt like I was almost home, but something was still missing.

I looked at her in confusion, "Do you feel that," in a voice barely above a whisper and cracking from dryness.

Her smile widened and she nodded, "Home, but not quite. We have always been comfortable, at ease, with one another. This...this is something more. Deeper. Fuller. Grief connected us at first, gave us our bond. Allowed us to care for one another." Her smile faltered and became more serious as I watched her swallow thickly.

I squeezed the hand I still held reassuringly and she smiled tremulously, her lips wavering slightly as she took a deep and slow breath. I watched as her eyes glistened wetly with unshed tears and she sniffed suddenly.

"Tell me," I implored gently.

She glanced to the ceiling and her breath shuttered in her chest before she turned to look at me with something new in her eyes. It took me long moments to recognize it because it had been so long since someone had looked at me the same. Not since Costia. As I realized it, I gasped in awe. I felt the warmth spread with the feeling of righteousness and knew that I felt the same.

"I know it's too soon, but we have a shared attraction physically. In such a short time, I have come to care for you. The way I felt last night, some of it came from the Bounstoka and her feelings for her mates, but it also came from me. I was worried and scared. When I came to the clearing, I saw Ava's and Artigas' last moments again...and I thought the worst. It nearly broke me and I could hear my parents' voices begin, but they were cut off. Cut off by the Bounstoka and the feeling of our bond. Then when I touched you and your eyes flew open. I lost myself in the feeling of home and being seen. That's all I ever wanted and I found it in you, Lexa. In you and I think, maybe, in Clarke. Because I felt something there, but I'm unsure," she rambled. "I...I don't know if you feel the same way. But's it's okay if you don't! I would never...I would never presume...or, or assume—"

"Shof op, Ruk," I interrupted her.

She opened her mouth to say something but I glared at her until she closed it and gave me a sheepish look.

I swallowed a few times to wet my throat and lick my lips to wet them in order to speak. She noticed and quickly got up. She returned shortly with a cup in her hand. She looked at me in question and I nodded slightly. Setting the cup down, she helped me sit up until I was resting against her comfortably. It felt good feeling her warmth behind me and I leaned further into her sighing in contentment. It was a surprise to feel a light rumble build in my chest as a result and I gasped in shock which caused it to cease immediately.