𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

tolerance | eighteen

[unedited]

{j's}
Im standing in front of nobody. Enjoying the wind that touches my skin. Everything feels so refreshing. My thoughts are in a blank state. I just found myself enjoying the sunshine and the wind gushing at the same time.

"Jeonghan."

I heard someone's footsteps on grass walking closer to me.

"Jeonghan, we need to go back."

"Can't I just please relax, Joshua? Im in a middle of my meditation here."

"Please."

"Oh fine."

I left the spot and was walking back towards the road with Joshua behind me. I am actually sad of going back. I don't wanna go back home. Can I just stay at this park for my whole life.

"You can't stay here forever, Jeonghan."

I was shocked because he knew what I was about to say.

"Everything has an end." he added.

"I know that very well, in fact.. I just got past through it." I said.

"But every end is followed by another beginning."
He seriously murmured.

"Where do you get these kind of cringy stuff?"

"I don't know. It just came out of my mouth."

I pinched him slightly and pushed him while laughing. Its just so corny but I enjoy the effort.

"Come, lets go back."

I nodded as he said that. We walked towards the black car he brought.

"We were planning to have a dinner later. A company dinner. You coming?"

"I am coming. But im not in the mood."

"Why are you not in the mood, Han?"

"I don't know, you ruined the thing."

"Im sorry that we had to go."

"We can't be late for this event."

"Seriously, its just 4 PM in the afternoon the dinner's at like what, 6PM?"

"Exactly, you take two hours to get ready."

I laughed at the fact. It was so accurate. I think its actually cute for him to know that.

Flashback

It was a dead cold night in here. Ready to leave, waiting for the car to stop by at my pace and bring me to the airport. I called Joshua to set these things up for me. After two months of preparation, it was hard hiding this to Seongcheol. And it was fun, but I am haunted by regrets and anxiety that I am not right for him. This is not the right way.

As the car stopped in front. The driver went out to get my things and open the door for me. I wore comfy clothes since its gonna be a long ride.

As the wheels move forward, my heart became more heavy seeing the buildings and the lights of this place. I knew that deep down in my heart, there will still be a space for this place.

Especially him.

I have thought of this many times. It is very clear to me that it'll hurt. I've left a letter to him in his cabinet. But, I don't think he'll read it. Will he really be able to?

It was a very hard decision for me to leaving. Especially knowing that I am about to hurt someone's feelings. But I should be independent and start off fresh. Without thinking the possibilities of tomorrow, but only to think what could happen right now.

I know that it is wrong to hold on the past. Because the reason im leaving is because of Vein. Yes, I literally thought she died because of me. She did that because of me. And it is still haunting me everyday of my life. Im literally blaming myself because of what she left behind.

And yes, I guess she won. I chose to leave this place and start a new life. I arrived at the airport and my ears trembled as I heard the woosh coming from the airplanes that are already boarding.

-----after a month-----

"Jeonghan, let me introduce to you.. Dino. He is the youngest in the company, but he is the most hardworking and trustworthy in this company. But due to his age, he still tends to make jokes and be stubborn sometimes." Joshua said.

"Yep, I think Dino and I'll be close." I said as I scan the kid.

"He speaks Korean too." He added.

"Oh. I see." I immediately replied.

-----after another 2 months-----

I started to feel Joshua's attachment to me. I didn't know how to react but he got cheesy and stuff and he seemed more angry than usual whenever someone is around me.

He reminds me of him.

But then, I came here to forget. If Joshua's feelinggs were confirmed to be true. Then why not try it. Maybe it'll work.

-----after another 5 months-----

"You said yes, there's no turning back Jeonghan."

I smiled at him as I held his hand and he immediately kissed me in the lips and immediately felt hot and we got through the night full of sweat, loud moans and a lot of hickeys.

Its been a while since I did that, so it actually felt good, to be honest.

I miss doing it with you.

My heart pounded as soon as I thought about that. I got nervous all of a sudden.

-----present-----

We arrived at the house and started doing the things we should do. Since he called me for getting ready too long. I wasted no time and immediately went to get clothes.

I tried everything I could and walked out of the closet and wore my accessories. I wanted to look fancy, but lowkey. I wore less accessories than usual and I tried wearing a black earring. Its small and different than usual so I didn't really needed holes to my ears.

We went to the dinner and were both early. It is actually a blessing. But then he said something that didn't made me feel good.

"Were going back to Korea in a few days. For two days."

My heart immediately pounded as hard as fuck. I literally did not expect to go there again. As I said goodbye to that place without expectation to go there again.

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ITS LITERALLY BEEN A WHILE
I'VE BEEN BUSY. BUT HERE'S AN UPDATE. IT'LL BE LONGER NEXT TIME. LUV U.