Hi, I'm an Empath.

Storytime?

ok so with the stuff from the past I'm not sure what to address it as so storytime kinda fits? I guess? 

Basically this is going to be about when I was at my old school. 

TRIGGER WARNING!! this chapter contains the subject of depression, and self harm, if you are easily offended, or triggered by such things, please do not read this chapter

Alright, so this is all a bit before I found out I was an Empath, so It was definitely rough. To start off, this story I'll just start from the beginning (Duh?). So I moved to a knew school, again, and for we will leave the name out but it was a middle school in florida. I was in the 7th grade and I didn't know anybody there (At least thats what I thought but really I found old friends that went to my other school). anyways, I met a girl named Cheyenne. She sat behind me in English class and so she introduced herself to me. Then at P.E., which we had together, she introduced me to some of her friends, it was 2 girls. Leah and Ashlynn. 

Well, one of the girls, some reason, stuck out to me. Even though I had just met these 3 girls and they seemed to all just be normal teen girls in a middle school right? So why did Leah stick out to me? It was so strange, it was like we were drawn to each other, not in like a romantic way, don't mistake this as a love story ok folks? But it was like this magnet was pulling us to each other, urging us to become close friends, and that's basically what happened. Then later I realized why..

Me and her became BEST friends, Almost sisters, we were closer then she was to her other friends even. And then once I was around her more and got to know her, I found out she had a very dark past, she suffered with depression, anxiety, and shadows of her past taunting her and eating her alive from the inside out. I one day noticed her scars, on her wrists. They didn't seem very old. I questioned her but she kinda shrugged and turned away with a dark look in her eyes, I could feel her hurting inside. 

But the thing was, nobody else seemed to notice anything was wrong with her, and they knew her a lot longer then I had. Eventually she allowed me to hear about her problems, she opened up to me and I was so happy. But that didn't last very long. 

Further into the school year our friend group almost tripled. But Leah wasn't the only one with issues. Jordan, my tiny, blonde haired friend from my other school, was also dealing with his own demons, Hayden, taller then jordan but still tiny, and gay best friend was also having problems. And I felt every losing battle. And of course I came to them and told them they could talk to me if needed, cry, scream, whatever they needed.

However, eventually it got to a point where I would come to school with a giant smile, ready to be there for my friends and be the one that would cure them, and by the end of the day, I was agitated and mentally and physically drained of energy. I didn't understand why I was so drained. It was weird, I came with enough love and happiness for everyone, they came with smiles hiding shadows that needed to escape, I left with a hostile attitude and felt off, they left feeling better and with real smiles.

It was shortly after that I found out about being an empath, so then I started to theorize, and I came up with the theory that maybe I was literally trading emotions? Okay, it sounds weird I know, but hear me out. What if I was giving all my happiness to my friends so they wouldn't be upset, and then I was taking away their sadness and taking it on myself? 

Well, despite this theory, the situation escalated for me. I would come home and then late at night I would cry and cry and just be depressed for no reason. My brain would always try to find an excuse but it never made sense as to why it made me feel that bad. Later it even got to the point where I had wanted to hurt myself. Although luckily I was never really suicidal, for some reason I just felt the urge to feel the pain.. Not for pleasure (ya nasty), but just because in my head, and with what I was feeling, it was almost like the blade called me in a way.. I don't know how to explain it. 

Afterward I always mentally beat myself up, questioning my own emotions and actions, thinking, 'why am i doing this? theres nothing for me to be depressed about. I'm being stupid.' And then from there lots of negative thoughts started to cloud my brain and sometimes I felt like a different person.. Me and my friends even started to say it was a "demon" of some sort making me do these things.. and it almost made sense, because everytime it happened, it was almost a blur, as if it was just a dream. It felt like I never actually did that. I don't really know exactly what happened but it was awful. 

I'm going to go ahead and wrap this up, its already a long enough chapter, hope you enjoyed me sharing my past and let me know if you want more kinda like this or if you have questions let me know! BYeee