Hi, I'm an Empath.

Things have happened

.. I must apologize for not updating, I just don't get on my computer as much so I do not get on wattpad either. 

I will update you on the things that have happened lately. 

Things have been pretty rough if I'm being honest.. The guy I was so in love with, well we stopped talking when I found out my (our) best friend had feelings for him, and now he's been dating our her for almost two months now.. At first it was very painful of course, but I never showed it. They weren't planning on dating when they admitted their feelings for each other, because they were worried about how I would feel. He said he didn't want me to be depressed, because he knew I still loved him. 

Now, to clear things up, me and him are still best friends, always will be. It's always going to be me, him and our other best friend. 

I told them that I was okay, that they don't need to worry about how I feel and if them being together makes them happy then that is all that I care about. So after I reassured them multiple times, they started dating. At first I was a mess. I was thinking to myself, "how am I going to go to school and see them together, without crying?" .. but, considering she's not super lovey dovey or anything like that, it was actually almost like nothing had changed. 

but then of course they got more comfortable. I saw them holding hands. I almost lost it. I saw their texts because she was showing me, and I almost broke.. but i waited till they were not around. 

Now.. It's been almost 2 months they have been together, and about 4 since he broke up with me, and it hasn't gotten easier. I can thinking to myself about it one minute and think, "you know, I think I'm finally okay. They are happy, and I am happy for them. I'm not sad anymore. who knows maybe the universe has a plan for the future.. as long as he's in my life, even if he is only as my bestie, I'm okay." but then, it will change so fast. When I see them actually expressing their affection.. it's like everything I felt when I was with him, Every feeling had experienced with him, comes flooding back, reminding me that I can no longer feel that.. no longer feel him..

We were at a friends bonfire, and me and my girl best friend (his gf), were not comfortable with the people there. So us three kinda strayed away from everyone else and kinda just did our own thing. He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and I heard him whisper, "I love you." and then they sat down and he held her while she played on her phone.. I don't know exactly what I felt, but I do know I had to walk away and say I had to use the restroom so they wouldn't notice something was up. I sobbed in the bathroom for about 5 or so minutes.. And for the rest of the night I was miserable, because I remember when he used to hold me like that.. I remember exactly how it felt.. and how his voice sounded when he used to speak so softly in it.. they noticed something was up when I came out and they asked what was wrong, said nothing that I was just kinda tired. 

The rest of the night I fought so many tears.. and I lost a few times.. but never let them see.. until, I finally sat down, layed my head on my girl best friend, and just tried to soak up her positive energy, but as soon as I layed my head on her, I felt a sense of security, a sense of comfort, and that just made the tears fall easier.. I moved for a second and he put his arm back around her, in the way of where my head was, so instead I just layed my head back down, just on his hand as well. (thats how close we are). And when someone puled in and had their headlights on, he look over at us and saw my face, even though I tried to not show it, and he said "whats wrong" and he was using his soft voice, and he sounded so caring.. I almost cried even more, but i held it in and look at him confused and said "hm? what to you mean?" and he then took his hand, wiped my tear and said, "I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid. Whats wrong Sara?" and I wanted nothing more to wrap my arms around the two of them, and bawl my eyes out and pour everything out, and tell them how much it hurts to see them together.. but I couldn't.