Comfort Zone

Chapter 44

Nothing better for stress than focusing your mind and learning something new, Miriam could almost hear one of her attendings from residency exhorting her. Instead of going back to her car, Miriam headed to the hospital library instead. She'd heard the residents discussing an article on heart disease that had just come out in The New England Journal. A patient who was on her schedule for the next day might benefit from the update; it was the same patient who scoured the internet and always seemed to be one step ahead. This time she'd be ready.

The path from mailroom to library was labyrinthine, but soon she was traipsing through the old building of Miami Health. It was overdue for an overhaul, with yellowing posters tacked on its faded, cracked walls. She passed the old radiology suite with its urgent warnings of radiation hazard on its doors.

Finally, the library. Miriam swiped in and joined a handful of others who'd also made the trek to find paper-bound information, or to sit at a computer terminal amidst the library peace. Everyone was quiet, as if heeding an invisible librarian who scolded "Sh-h! No talking allowed!"

Miriam had spent many childhood days in the library down the street from her grandmother's home, lost in fantasy worlds. Now when she had time to read a book, it was usually electronic. How good it felt to turn a real, not virtual, page!

She browsed for a while and let her stress dissipate before heading to the tall stacks that held alphabetized journals catering to every field, specialty and interest, quickly locating the one she needed. She flipped through the pile to find the most current issue, turned to the article and read the abstract. Since recent journals couldn't be checked out, Miriam was about to aim for a comfy chair in which to read the full text when the library door opened with a squeak.

Through the open-back shelving, she could see the new visitor, and she immediately ducked to hide her face. When she dared, she peeked again, watching the figure head in the opposite direction until it was hidden behind another bookcase.

She finally exhaled, and decided to stay put and finish the article, skimming over the statistics while part of her brain planned how to get to the door unseen. When she finished the section she had no idea what it said. Statistics, for all their merits, could not be absorbed by skimming. More focus was needed. She tried again.

"Miriam?"

Her eyes shot up from a discussion of confidence intervals, and she forced herself to paste a big smile on her face. A confident smile.

"Josh!" she said, matching his friendly but hushed tone.

"What happened to your laundry and all those other fun errands you had to do?"

Did you lie to me? She wanted to shout, imagined cracking the library hush, the startled look on his and everyone's face.

Josh looked the same as ever. Though she couldn't quite meet them, his eyes were sincere and warm, and an ever-present glint of humor played around his lips.

"It's all here," she said, stabbing at the article with her finger. "Proves chores are useless. 98.3% of cleaned clothes get dirty, with a similar percent of people needing to buy food again."

"Sounds like a prescription for being 100% smelly and hungry. Maybe you better take this, after all."

Josh hefted the khaki rucksack from his shoulder and took out a box of hazelnut chocolate s, this one with dried cherries, but when Miriam firmly shook her head no, he stuffed it back in his bag.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sabotage a good resolu—"

"You didn't leave a box of hazelnut chocolate for me in the office last week, did you?" Miriam interrupted.

"No. It must have been from some other secret admirer. Anyway, it's good to see you. What brings you to this antiquated place of paper-based products?"

"I had to do some research for a patient. He always quizzes me on the newest treatment and I want to be ready for the inquisition. You?"

"Same thing, but substitute boss for patient. The computer was running slow, plus I guess I needed my paper fix.

"Speaking of paper, do you have George's with you?" he went on, oblivious to her distress. "Let me take a quick look."

"I left it in the office," Miriam lied, hoping the paper wasn't sticking out of her bag.

"Bring it by anytime. Any chance of changing your mind about the sunset? There's still time to make the finale."

Miriam begged off. Someone waved to Josh from across the room and he waved back. She gathered her things, preparing to say goodbye.

"I should go home, see what Magda's up to. Heading to the garage?" he continued without waiting for an answer. "I'll go with you. I always get lost in these long, winding halls."

They exited the library and navigated the old, quiet corridors together, finally reaching the elevator of the main building. Josh pushed the down button. When the door slid open, he held it with his arm, waiting for Miriam to go inside the empty elevator first.

She stepped away abruptly.

"You go, I'm going to check on a patient before going home."

"Is everything OK?" Josh asked, looking at her intently. "You look anxious."

"Me, anxious?" Miriam laughed. It almost sounded natural to her ears. "Isn't everyone?"

"You're right. Still another reason to go home and chill out. Your patient will be fine, but will you?"

His concern rang true, but Miriam was still relieved when Josh said goodbye, hugging her as usual. She couldn't shake her sadness, and the leaden, unsettled feeling in her chest. It wasn't until she was nearly home that she realized she'd neglected to replace the journal back in the stacks.

Now the library cops would be after her, too.