Trigger warning⚠ self harm /depression
Disclaimer : I know self harm isn't anything to joke about I've dealt with it for a good 2 or 3 years of my life. I still deal with depression and anxiety, so I completely understand, and I'm not making fun of it in any way if you are going through this feel free to contact me. It will get better, I know everybody says that, but it will don't do permanent things over temporary issues. Enjoy the story🖤
𝙮𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙤𝙫: Today we were practicing blood sweat and tears and we took a break, everyone was talking but I felt unnoticed. I've felt like this a lot recently actually, I've dealt with depression and the members know that but maybe my feelings are right, maybe I am unwanted maybe I'm not good enough, Jin always helped with my problems but he seems closer to jimin now after his eating disorder, and I don't want to burden him or the other members. Because if my feelings are right, they don't care anyway. After practice everyone went to the van and I followed, in the van I fell asleep.
𝙅𝙞𝙣𝙨 𝙥𝙤𝙫: During practice and just lately in general I've noticed yoongis been kinda distant, I don't know if I should worry or not at this point, of course, me and the members now he used to suffer with depression, but I don't think he's depressed now, is he? I can't tell I'll have to check on him, he'd tell me if he's not ok right? He does trust me I mean I am his only hyung. After we went to the van, yoongi fell asleep on the ride home once we got home instead of waking him up, I just carried him inside to his and our shared room. As I was carrying him, I noticed he felt really light, the more I thought about it, I can't really remember the last time I saw him eat, he always just says he's not hungry, I know he works a lot it's not healthy but he feels like he has too
But at least he's sleeping he never sleeps so much to the extent that some times he even faints. I will try to be a better hyung to him he's been through so much after I put yoongi to bed I went downstairs into the kitchen and started making dinner, after it was finished, I called all the members down stairs, when yoongi wasn't there I went upstairs to get him. When I got to the room, he was still asleep on the bed, then I tried to wake him up.
𝙔𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙤𝙫: I woke up to somebody shaking me, I opened my eyes and realized it was Jin hyung, I looked at him and told him sorry for falling asleep he said it was fine and that I needed to sleep then he said that dinner was ready and to come down stairs to eat, I told him I wasn't hungry, that was a lie but I wanted to look good for our fans for comeback, but he said no that I needed to eat, luckily right at that moment jungkook called from downstairs for Jin , I told him to go so he did, but I could tell he was mad, I didn't know why he was mad, but I knew it was because of me, I decided if I made other people upset, I deserve to be in upset to so I got up, went to my desk and got a pencil sharpener then I went into the bathroom and smashed it until a tiny razor blade fell out,I rolled down my hoodie sleve and pressed the blade the my arm quickly dragging it across, the first time not using much force and each time gradually pushing down harder, once I looked down and saw the 19 cuts I had made I couldn't take anymore, I just started crying.
𝙅𝙞𝙣𝙨 𝙥𝙤𝙫:jungkook called me down stairs as I was fighting with yoongi about making him eat, I knew he needed to eat,I knew he was hungry he hasn't had anything all day but I just gave up and went downstairs to see what Junkook needed. Kookie what do you need I asked, he replied with saying he couldn't find the forks, I then explain to him that they're in the same spot they always are, to which he said he still couldn't find them, so then I showed him where they were. I was sitting at the table while everybody was eating dinner, when I heard a sob coming from me and yoongis room followed by more sobs, I jumped up and ran upstairs to the room, the other members following me close behind, I looked around the bedroom and saw that yoongi, I wasn't there, then I realized he was in the bathroom, I went to open the door and it was locked, I immediately knew what he did, we were banging on the doors, trying to get him to open it, but he just kept crying, Namjoon ran into the other room, trying to find the spare key. Once he found it, he unlocked the door, and we all say yoongi covered in blood having a panic attack laying on the floor, I picked him up into my lap as I rocked him back and forth and hugged him to my chest, he nuzzled his face into my chest. As I tried to calm him, eventually he was calm, then we were just trying to figure out where the blood was coming from. He told us he was fine, but we didn't listen, eventually I pulled up his sleeve and I saw his arm covered in cuts, my eyes watered as I saw, his little arms, Namjoon hurried as he got the maknaes out as jimin and Junkook were sobbing and Tae was in shock to the point he couldn't even move and Namjoon and j hope had the help them out , once everyone except Namjoon and j hope had left the room I took yoongi and laid him on my bed as I took his hoodie of to clean his arms, he didn't want me to but I told him it was my job as a hyung, so I cleaned him up and got him into new clothes by the time I was done, he was asleep, so I just put a blanket over him and let him sleep as I walked down stairs to discuss what just happened with Namjoon and j hope.
Hi, guys, I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't that good, but I really wanted to give you guys something to read by the end of tonight, I hope you enjoyed it, tell me what I can do to improve it and give me suggestions I'll do everything ❤have a good night 💎 Also yes I know I only really did 2 pov's which was jin and yoongi but in the next chapter of this, every member will be included, it just is starting off slow and I'm sorry for that but it'll get better k bye
