Starting Over / Shourtney

Chapter Sixteen: Get a Man Who Can Do Both

December 12th, 2018

<Courtney's POV>

Since Defy had shut down, I found that people around us had been really supportive.  Even going back to when the news about the shutdown officially broke. So many of my friends and acquaintances from YouTube had reached out to see how we were doing, ask if there was any way they could help, or just to generally spew hate at the company that had done us, and so many other creators, wrong.

I could clearly remember that day between the shutdown party and our meeting back at the office, scrolling through my social media, looking at all of the posts people were making. I had sat curled up on my bed and sobbed as I scrolled through comments from the fans on twitter and Instagram. There was an outcry of hurt, fear, and anger, that I felt within myself, but it was amplified in our fan-base by the lack of information anyone had about the situation.

It was really hard to see their worries, but it also warmed my heart to read through their kind words and encouraging messages. We had all put out our own statements about the situation that day. Screenshots of messages on the familiar iPhone notes app filled my feed, adding to the stress but also multiplying the support. Mine was tough to write, my hands shook as I typed, and I must have re-worded it about 15 times. The last line of Shayne's brought tears to my eyes.

Now a month removed from that moment, with not much more clarity on what was happening but a hell of a lot more acceptance, the support from other YouTubers was greatly appreciated. Joe and the other members of the Valley Folk had gotten Shayne and I to come film a recurring bit that they do around Christmas time called Santa Steve, were Steve Zaragoza plays a very vulgar version of Santa Claus.

It had been fun to spend time with our friends, although Shayne did seem a little traumatized from Steve's perverted Santa later-ego. I wasn't sure how much of it was a bit and how much was real. When he slid off of Steve's lap and shuffled towards me after his turn I couldn't stop laughing at the expression on his face and I had to leave the room to calm down so that they could shoot with the next person.

God, he could make me laugh so hard.

We seemed to always be setting up these collabs with just the two of us now. With Ian so busy trying to save Smosh, and the rest of the squad working on their own projects, lately it felt like it was always Shayne and I who were doing things together. Whether it was coming up with ideas for new videos, trading information back and forth on what we knew about Ian's search progress, and talking with other Youtubers who had reached out to us about being in their videos. We had just been talking about doing a video with our friends at sugar pine seven in the next couple weeks.

I looked over at Shayne who was sitting in a chair on Ian's back-porch. I studied his profile, His brow was furrowed in concentration, light eyebrows pinched together as he focused in on his computer screen. That man put so much effort into everything he did and was always letting himself be pulled in several directions. It was quite impressive if I was being honest. Exams were coming up for him, but like the loyal Smosh member he was, Shayne had brought his school work with him to Ian's where we were having a pitch meeting.

Sometimes I didn't know how he did it. I was feeling overwhelmed with just the "Smosh issue" hanging over my head, and here Shayne was, pitching video ideas, studying for his degree, and taking on a larger role at his other acting job. He had mentioned, almost in passing, that he was going to have a bigger part than usual in a couple of episodes for the Goldbergs. I knew he loved working on that sit-com but he played the recurring role of a supporting character with not many lines, and his priority had always been Smosh. Now, with his time freed up, the writers had obviously decided to take advantage of his lighter schedule.